(03-10-2016, 02:53 AM)Shannon Wrote: Consider recognizing when you are reacting to subconscious expectations that may not work for you, recognizing what they are, and consciously choosing to let them go.
What your wife probably has done is exactly that: have little to no expectations. It's a form of disconnection and letting go of what is outside our control. You can only control you.
Yes'sah! Funny, that's exactly what happened this morning. We went to get hot Krispy Kreme doughnuts (wife, son, me). Special trip. When we got there, the place was dead. I noticed that the conveyor had paused, momentarily. There were doughnuts just sitting there.
We got a dozen, and the lady gave us the luke-warm have-been-sitting-there-awhile doughnuts. I only realized when I bit into my first. Suddenly, massive disappointment hit. Not surprising, as I hold insanely high ideals of expectation about how my world-experience should be. If expectation does not equal actual experience, my mood tanks and I start complaining (rather than even attempt to correct the situation - I normally avoid that b/c at that point I try to correct through pure anger & I end up looking like/being an asshole).
While I "know" intellectually that this is not productive, my feelings trump the logic/wisdom of knowing it is not benefiting me to feel that deep disappointment. It's automatic. Subconscious over conscious.
Well, not this morning. As I started to ruminate on the growing feeling of discontent, I realized that allowing it to happen was directly impacting my ability to experience happiness. In other words, instead of allowing myself to go through the negative reaction, I stopped it by realizing that hurting myself did not improve the reality of the situation, nor was it making me happier. Bitching about it would also just decrease my wife's enjoyment of the experience. Instantly, I let it go. I feel happy, in spite of the not-so-perfect doughnut experience.
Big win.