Apex-Predator Evolutionary Log - AM6 RE-RUN Stage 2 - Letting go

[Dee]

AM6 STAGE 1 - Day 20?

I was super f/cked up yesterday. But I learnt something new, a lot of changes took place. It's common sense of course but I never looked at life like this before, I have noticed that when people feel down and low, they project that feeling into they future timelines as if its going to last forever.

So when I was weak in the morning from a hangover on the sunday ,and thought of Monday morning at work I would think of it in the terms of my current feelings and see it been a dreadful long day. Having low energy levels and low moods for long periods of time has sort of paced my future with low energy levels and low moods, if that makes sense.

Seems like the most important aspect of having a Positive Mental Attitude is diet and exercise, its almost impossible to think negative, when you buzzing with energy and feeling good.

Posted on a ADD forum where sh*t like yesterday is normal and got some positive feedback and I am also experimenting with other supplements and logging my experiments on another forum to keep these posts as short as possible, today I took a lower dose and am feeling much better than I was yesterday. I think am starting to come to terms with it without the use of Tapping. Surprisingly I didn't think of tapping yesterday weird

[Dee]

AM6 STAGE 1 - Day 20?

So I just spoke to my Life Coach some hours ago, I told him my urgent goals were to sleep before 10pm wake up at six AM and jog he reckons my goals are unrealistic, I was glad I never told him that am listening to these high pitch suggestions that will turn me into a winner, into a strong champion, a dominate alpha male in a year or so and I l have to do is play it in the background, the after a year of playing two others hot women will be fight over who gets to try and seduce me first for sex that same day/night (oh wait that’s happened before).

Anyway, life is so surreal sometimes.
He seems to have confirmed what I said before, either just common sense or the Gods are directing me. Either way my 3 goals with him are Exisize , Sleep and Diet.

Another break thru came for me today, the day before I start rebuilding my empire from the rubble. When I meditated the first day I took those stimulates, I wound get to a point of focus then I would feel as though I needed an extra boost of energy like my powerful Bugatti Veyron my is running on fumes then I would breathe deeper and the stray thoughts would get less and less and my mindfulness would increase more and more. Of course I had done courses on breathing understand that shallow breathe causes anxiety, negativity, lack of energy, the whole mind body connection, chi, Qi thing, but did I manage me make a habit of it? Today when I got off the call with the coach I was feeling terrible, stupid, I wanted questioning myself my smarts, my body was in a negative way too etc .Then I started breathing deeply, really deep, and I have been doing so for about 2 hours now. The results are less than amazing, all the noise in my head in completely gone, the brain fog disappeared, the distractions can’t be called that anymore, my energy levels are up and I feel like a prick for the last few posted I made. I mean am going to be one of the best success stories on here, now am I not going to be around it see that, that’s just silly of me.

Anyway , I just wanted to say, I don’t know what’s wrong with the world we living in, I went to school for years and learnt about maths and English and yet no one ever taught me how to breathe properly. Another amazing indicator happened this morning on my jog too, I done 2-3 times more distance that I ever did. Seems like the God’s are setting everything up nicely this year. Anyway I have work tomorrow, empires don’t build themselves.

And Do me a favour, learn how to breathe if you can’t, there is boundless energy all around you and it’s yours for the taking. Search for a an scientific experiment done in the west where they got an Indian yogi claiming he hasn’t eaten in over 10 years since getting a black belt in they breathing arts. So they put him in a secure room for over 72 hours with no food or water and he lived of the air and you know what science does with things they can’t explain. (It was years ago since, maybe fooled them somehow and hide a water bottle where they won’t check.)

[Dee]

Oh yeah the Overcome Fear script kicks arse. I always have hesitated to shallow pills, I have an event when I was younger where I choked on these huge capsules so am always a bit shy of them. And Now i have like 20 supplements to take every day, and I just pop them like they M&Ms so I know the sub is doing its work on me, you cant argue with that evidence, cant you.

[Dee]

AM6 STAGE 1 - Day 21?

So in my attempt to prove my Life Coach wrong I have woken up at before 6am, went out side into the cold and had no energy to run. Took my pills, so i'll meditate while they dissolve have something to eat and when my energy returns I'll jog. And that will be day one.

[Dee]

Morning meditation, deep breathing conditioning and Jog done and ZONE, when I start having silly anxious thoughts my mind automatically focuses externally. I'm beginning to think that am a serious mismatcher (NLP Term) that gets motivation from trying to prove people wrong, I need to find the cause so that I can refocus that on proving to myself that i can achieve my goals.

[Dee]

UPDATE:

Started at the new office today, there is a lot of work ahead of me, fortunate for me I have learnt to be humble the last for months and the deep breathing and supplements have helped with my productivity. The meditation is doing wonders, most of my thoughts are starting to sound like noise that I can ignore. I don’t know if it’s the maturity script but I have started asking myself “is that really important right now” a lot. I had planned a lot of time and money to invest in women and now am asking myself “is that really important right now”. They say “you lose money chasing women but you get women chasing money”. Now that am back to work I expect to spend less time here, I was hooked because of boredom and some really interesting journals. First you get the money………….

[Leo1990]

Focus on what you enjoy and the women will follow. Best advice I have ever learned.

[Dee]

STAGE 2 Begins

Today I begin AM stage two. For anyone who has been following my journal for some time, finally the contract that crippled the business that was to take 5-10 but took nearly 6 months got approved and now that all the employees got sacked I have to do everything myself.

Funny thing is the fear is all gone. Before I wouldn’t want to “break” anything, today I accidentally swiped the server, big deal that’s what backups are for. And the stimulate is really helping, I have been doing tasks I procrastinated on for almost 2 years now everyday with a zeal to get it done.

At first I thought the hold up with the business was a bad thing but now I see all bad things as growth stimulators, if all went well I woundnt have faced some fears and finally got some professional help for my attention problems.
I started a work based study program, in about 3-5 years I will have an MBA and the good thing about it is its all work based stuff, no extra study and no huge uni loans.

I also noticed that am starting to not need women in my life to live or have a purpose, before it was a distraction, like am getting older I have to sort this issue out, bet they could smell the desperation off me. Now am more like if they don’t like me and I die alone am still going to make the best out of my life and live my dream, heck when they business thing pops I can pay for my sexual needs like I pay for my electric needs.

I seem to be noticing that I thrive off attention, when I get a girl look at me I get happy and bright and when I get no attention my moods suffer. Even tho hot women do look at me a lot, I seem to want to be the centre of attention always , it could be a good motivator to been a entertainer but I hate the fact that my emotions are in someone’s else’s hands, and with that my self-esteem, and with that my self-image and with that my ideal self. It’s fucked wanting to be something so people can approve of you, am not missing my destiny over that.
Anyway no time to play.




I listen to this guy to and from my 12 hour shifts, I’ve never worked so hard in my life. Til next time folks.

[iceman]

Good luck with Stage 2

[Dee]

STAGE 2 1/3 Way Through Episode

Just got up from a week in bed from depression. I was completely weak with a never ending voice that was pounding down at me constantly without remorse, reminding me of every negative thing under my Cranium, inside my skin and how all that related to everything else under the sun.

Then staring out the window I saw a bird fly and I thought how pointless, it’s not even aware it’s alive, just acting on pure instinct, one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have to deal with the predators lying in wait.

Then a few thoughts later It occurred to me how truly stupid it all is, people motivated by pure animal instinct just like that bird but with a little awareness of the influences and reactions to the stimuli.

If someone prises someone else, a little squirt of pleasure chemicals are instinctively released in the brain/body making that person feel good, but then in a span of a few seconds that same person can get criticised and the opposite reaction is processed by the brain/body; in the time been all the person can do is just be aware of the chemical reactions.

I mean sure that person could use stress reducing techniques in an attempt to manage and manipulate they own emotions for a more pleasant result, but it’s still stupid and a huge waste of time.

Of course am no expect at emotions but am sure that in the far distance past like 100,000 years ago it helped to have your brain hijack your Freewill and make you behave in ways that get you approval increasing your survival chances within your tribe or clan, but this is the 21th century when was the last time you read of a public stoning or banishment from the town or city because the community voted that some guy was a assh*ole jerk that no one liked?

So a lay in that bed day after day just thinking, just like that bird every action I took was for a another natural hit of that dopamine, so if I gained the approval of my parents (HIT), became a popular person (HIT, HIT), got lots of money and felt important in comparison to my peers (HIT.HIT,HIT), had lots of women wanting me and sleeping around (HIT, HIT,HIT,HIT).

Just like that f*cking bird flying to and fro unaware that am blinded by instinct and the systems created by those that take advantage of that basic human feedback loop (for good or bad none the less).

Unlike that bird, I can stop mindlessly going to and fro pointlessly chasing a HIT of that dope and I can stop and stop chasing that carrot society dangles at me with all its expectations of what a male life is supposed to be like. Why can I get that HIT from accepting and approving of myself, why can’t I just try my best and even if I come last still get that HIT cause I pushed myself to the limit.

If no one likes me, if I have more enemies and few ally’s, if no attractive women want me sexually or romantically, if I happened to grown old as a lone wolf WHY should I feel terrible for the next 16,800 or so next days of my life, WHY should I feel bad about myself and feel worthless of my life just because some little glands in my brain responsible for the release of dopamine is more concerned with pleasing other people than with pleasing myself.

Now, the fear is the unknown, it seems almost unnatural to be the source of your own love, approval, validation, self-importance, and self-worth and so on. Almost like a mental disorder in its own class, either way it seems like the next step of man-kinds evolution, no more crab in the bucket type of behaviours of a shot of that dope, if you have ever been addicted to a drug externally and been bed ridden from depression you will hopefully get the full picture of what am saying.

Am a lot more detacted emotionally to the outside world now, I don’t have to feel a certain way (negative) just because am hardwired wired to, so between the suicidal thoughts and asking myself what’s the point of it all, an answer emerged.

Corny I know, but you make your own point, you give life your own meaning, and it’s evident by the countless religions, political systems, cultures, philosophies and metholodologies. I guess what am saying is it easy to get lost when you living in someone else’s world (or a group of peoples )and by someone else’s standards, DO YOUR OWN S*IT, get laxative if you have to, life is too meaningless to die with regrets.

[Dee]

Stage 3 Back to Front

This is going to be one of my long posts.

STAGE TWO REVIEW:

Stage two was awesome; I stopped “needing” women totally. I would picture my future been single without the missing something or sad lonely reaction. In my everyday life when I see an attractive women my old patterns of “wow, she’s an angel, her shit must smell of roses” type thoughts to sticking to whatever I was thinking about, no big deal just a symmetrical body of fresh, bones, blood and shit.
So this one girl I saw that I used to send love poems to over Facebook when I used to get drunk years ago, that I saw at a wedding last week , came to me and said “why are you acting like I don’t exist”.

Care less what people think:

I turned up to the wedding late with my brother, thought everyone had eaten so I went to serve myself and got chased away from the food by one fat lady in front of the whole audience, normally I would have thought I looked stupid and worried the whole time but I let it go. And let my brother do the worrying for me.

On Women again:

So been the introvert with ADD that I am I never wanted women for friendship (or guys at that), it was always a status thing, plus porn high jacked my brain and made me sex crazed. Stopped porn. Stopped looking at women at sex objects, starting caring less what people think stopped chasing social acceptance. My life was trapped by thinking about getting married and having kids and how that will mess up my plans of traveling the world (4 hour work week style) and indulge myself in project after project. Now am free from the burden of having be “normal”.

Its fucked up to say I wasn’t interested in women but business analysts say they is a reason why the majority of men reach success in they 40s or 50s when they sex drive takes and dive.

Meditation:

I finally managed to start meditating and it’s amazing how quite my mind has been since I started and how I keep improving each few days. I now see my brain more of a tool than who I am, its like when you detach and obverse your thoughts you start to notice that most of your thoughts are generated by your brain rather than by “you” or by your conscious will. It’s like when I first started driving and it was a powerful car that I was always reacting to rather than me been in control of it and making it move at the speed I wanted, turn smoothly, park the way I wanted etc.

Coaching:

Women are a fucken distraction, I can bet my life that if there where no women on earth man would have built a utopian planetary society of highly enlightened beings by now. I don’t say this lightly but even one of the most oldest and commonly known creational stories starts off with a guy risking everything to impress a women by becoming more powerful and intelligent, not blaming women for anything here. The reason am saying that is because I spend months and 100s with a dating coach and achieved nothing, when I could have got a life coach instead, the few months working with Steve and I am changed a lot of bad habits for healthy positive ones, and in a few years I won’t have a single bad habit at the pace am moving at.

ADD:

Went for a blood test for my liver and kidneys, and am left with a heart test before start taking my meditation for ADD. The few weeks I had the prescription drugs with India where great and I did a lot before the negative reactions kicked in, but in the next few weeks I can say bye to inattentiveness, poor memory, slow processing speeds and a list of other conditions due to the lack of important neurochemicals, of course a car running without enough oil will be a bit jagged, that’s expected. Since I started meditation after my week of depression, I feel I don’t need to expect my world to change because of the stimulates, life is meaningless expect for the meaning I give it.

Stage 3- So far

Stage 3 is becoming annoying , I have had a wet dream and a few sex dreams since starting and I have begun to look at women with a sexual twist, also I wasn’t into black girls and now am like fuck there are some amazing ones out there (sexually of Couse). At this point I don’t think I will do women magnet or sex magnet but I don’t know if what am expiring is from AM6 Stage 2 or just something from my general life. I will hate to start needing women again even if it’s for hot passionate sex. But if the end of AM6 ends up that way I will benefit from Women Magnet so that I can enjoy just talking with women, coz at the moment my pattern is like this, I see I hot women, I start my needy craving for love pattern, then I ask myself what I want her for? I definably don’t want friendship I find people boring when am sober, sex? I don’t enjoy it unfortunately , to show her off to my friends? So I feel superior for a few mins then what? The arward silence on the way home while I think about my projects, then that pattern is broken, I see the women as she is in reality and no thru my desires and life moves on.

It will be interesting to see how this program ends, but I tell you I will run it as many times as it takes to get all I can out of it. Also I haven't tapped for used another other self change methods, surprising that I no long run to EFT to solutions to my problem.

That’s it for this month folks, got work to do, see ya later



PS CALL ME "NO DAYS OFF DAN"

[Dee]

Thought I’ll update some more on Stage 3.

IT IS VERY ANNOYING

I wish I could go back to stage 2, am not so sure what Shannon put in stage 3 but I am attracted to women again in a distracting way (well I guess attractive things are distracting by definition). I see them and all I can think about is a want to fuck you. This one women who works in the office building, she has a huge and nice arse for a white girl and she isn’t afraid to show it off.

In stage two I thought

“Nice leather pants, she has a huge arse.”

Then go about my business,

In stage 3 am like

“I bet it would feel good to slide my **** in her ****, she looks like she’ll like it (then think about it a few more times during the day).

Well that’s just one example, today in the train I was staring at women like a lion stating at an antelope or something, I just want to devour them.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Big change but annoying.

Before I would probably be thinking more romantically type thoughts and how precious the particular women is. Weird thing, there isn’t any major bodily reactions it’s more thought based, there isn’t much feeling either.

Am more like a caveman “Me man, you women, man was made to f**k women, women was made to look attractive for man, me want to f**k you”.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Conflict of interest

So as I have started accepting myself more, am okay with been an introvert. So today in the train I run that pattern again as I thought I was becoming needy again, and I discovered, no I don’t want to talk to women, I don’t like talking to people much am in my hyper focus ADD state and all that’s in my head is WINNING, not a single brain cell in my head cares about small talk and other BS chit chat.

I don’t want to fuck them (maybe am in denial or maybe I just like the idea of things but don’t enjoy the actual things that much), seems I like looking at nice things, which is fucked up to just stare at pretty women and do nothing else, or engage in eye contact until they get bored. My brains probably still not fully recovered from porn, when I start imaging f**king the women, I only feel a little tickle down there, nothing motivating enough.

OUTCOME,

Needing women for sex is still been needy and I bet if I talk to them that’s will be my outcome not to be friends or much and the scripted did say non neediness as women like smell it from a mile away. Is it stage 3 or is my sex drive kicking in for some other reason , soon I will see. I was more happy on stage 2 tho.

[Dee]

Stage 3 a handful of awesomeness

To be honest with you I started hating on Stage 3 from the first few days I began to affect me. Stage 2 was really good and life changing, I pictured my entire future without a girlfriend, mate or wife, I also pictured it with any friends and It was good. Before Stage 2 I felt that life depended on your social status and that’s what give you value, what people thought of you.

Then in Stage 3 I began looking at women from a different point of view. If you read my last two posts you will defiantly notice the change in perspective, I was like “women, who needs them bla. Bla bla”.

Then a week ago after browsing my phone for an address that was text to me, I saw a message from that teacher I met months ago. The last message was of me apologizing for hitting on her aggressively, and the one after that of me trying to start a dialog.

So I tried again, why not, I tried to delete her number before but Siri wouldn’t let me. And I got a reply and we spent hours texting, same thing this weekend, and I thought to myself, I am a rag doll and this AM6 program is a vicious dog throwing me around. I now feel women are the sweetest things alive with they emotions and antics, it’s really cute, it’s just a different type of energy than a group of guys all trying to be the top dog. Funny thing, I hired my assistant based on her energy (meaning she was gorgeous), I think I’ll try some sexual transmutation. And I am starting to think that it would be fun to get to know that girl from my office building with the big butt not for sex but just for R-Rated fun.

First Non-Porn induced hard on

Well, not really first, but I can barely remember the last one,In the bus last week it happened, this skater chick walked by and I got a hard-on, that’s only happened to me once before, DARN porn. But I get the whole sexual attraction thing now, it’s like there are be many beautiful women in the room and one gets you up, and if she feel the same, then let who Nature must put together, no man tear apart, especially the man in question. Besides that I had another wet dream almost, ha, I just remembered AM5 during the first stages when I have action dreams every night on the first stage, then then changed, so it defiantly AM6 induced with some natural sperm control systems.

Alpha Male signs WORK

I need to get to the point quicker, anyway, I noticed that I am calling people out on they BS more, before I would be like “it’s not nice to put people on the spot like that how do you think they feel, treat others the way you would like to be treated, how much BS do I sling will I like it if someone done the same thing to me”, not am more like “Am buying a service and if this guy doesn’t know what his talking about for doing, it’s going to mess up my bottom line, am not here to make friends so f**k it if he doesn’t like me, I can take my business elsewhere”. So I just ask the awkward questions and I don’t accept unreasonable answers.


Alpha Make signs with WOMEN

I asked the teacher for her professional opinion on which courses to take and how to develop my communication and writing skills cause she is a English teacher and I suck and business communications due to dyslexia. So we insisted that we meet for coffee or lunch today , Sunday.

My assistant said she could work today (Sunday) as I am “no days off Dan”, and she just decided not to without telling me, so I had a chat to her about making and keeping commitments. And it just so happens that I the English teacher flaked out on me too.

I wish I could send the convo here cause I am not so sure what happened. I got her text saying SOMETHING LIKE
“am busy I have to mark school work, can’t make it, but we can talk over the phone”

I replied (keep in mind these where longer than I am writing them here), “ I just send my assistant a message about keeping commitments and what it says about a person character, I think I should forward it to you?”

She says(long ass message, para-plazed), last time I saw you was last year, then out the blue you text me, then you stop for a week, then you ask for my professional opinion, I offer to help you, but I can’t make it and I even offerred to call you but you want me to choose the papers I have to mark for midterms over doing you a personal flavour , bla bla bla, you aggressively hit on me even tho I told you I wasn’t interested and you want to degrade my character”

I responded, “Don’t sweat it, some people are serious about appointments others are flexible, it was just an interesting article, with the aggressively hitting on you have the heart of gold and many attractive qualities, but we don’t have the sexual connection, I was experimenting with some bad advice from a dating book, can we put that behind us. I apologise if you took it the wrong way, all I was saying is that you are the type of person that flakes out, that’s all and has you have just pointed out no one is perfect. Do you plan to be less busy next weekend?

Then I get message after message like “I can be there in 30 mins” and “ give me the word and I’ll be out the door”, “I can be there in 15 mins”.

To be honest I didn’t feel like going and having that convo about my learning issues and its cold outside, but I hard to stick to my word, so when you say all this I just replied saying “I have removed all my make up and put my good dress, away It will take me hours to get ready”, “I might be down next weekend, will you be available then?”

What’s amazing is when I done all this 70% of me was a green light and didn’t care about the result and the rest was expecting a negative reaction on the Mr Nice guy line of “How could you say that, that’s not nice, anyway friends cancel on each other all the time, what you want to guilt her into coming out to see you to help her, just call her” to “OMG, you have done it again, she ignored you for a year and after 2 weeks you have pissed her off again, thinking you special and people must commit to what they say to you.”.

AM6 is some powerful stuff. In addition the women that is my assessor for my Business Admin course, was worried that I am not doing the work, which is true as I couldn’t make the last appointment, I was waiting for an appointment for my ADD heart exam. So she spent a list of things I had to do for the next appointment and I didn’t like been told what to do much so I emailed her back saying something “This is amazing, I feel like am back in school, I hope I don’t get detention next month when I miss my appointments” and she replied, “ yeah I know ”. My assistance also commented that I am in a fun mood as I was playful.

Last year I would have never have done as things. That’s what I called progress.
So I have decided to re-run AM6 until I can tick off all the goals. I have learnt patience.

But God I did not expect that to happen. Funny thing is if she didn’t reply me again I would have just been like F it, “don’t tell me you will be somewhere at some time then not feel like going into the cold and cancelling last minute, I don’t need people who will waste my time in my life”.

STAGE 4 Next Week Can't wait to re-run this stage again, it was loads of fun.

[Dee]

Any feedback guys? I am starting to feel like an arsehole that just guilted A decend lady into wanted to meet him over our other important responsibilities?????????????????????????