03-20-2017, 01:13 PM
Day 18
I seriously start thinking about starting my private dream journal, while I not necessarily remember them I do remember certain people I know. And most times they are not those I would expect. I don't remember last time I dreamed about my ex and about my sweetheart at the very beginning of this run. At the same time (as I mentioned before) yesterday I dreamed about my high school classmate and today about my female friend.
And I do want to talk about her more. During last fall she was helping me a lot with conversation, advice and simple listening to me while I was fighting with my ex. Her patience then and certain evening when she was giving me "**** me" signals brought me to believe she's in love with me, but 2 months ago when I confronted her over it she denied. Now she avoids me for some reason, claims she is depressed and is not in a mood for socializing, but I know she lies because I met her today on the street with 2 guys going somewhere. I'm not interested in her sexually so I'm not jealous or anything like that. But I am disappointed in her because she used to be person I would confide with and I knew I can always count on her, and now whenever I want to reach out to her I get nothing.
This brings me 2 conflicting emotions. On the one hand I am angry and I want to throw her out of my life because right now I'm just wasting my time reaching out to her. On the other hand I have a lot of respect for her and I know something is up and I'd love to help her out. Sadly she won't tell me anything. To make matters worse I fear I might be the source of her problem and that brings guilt. When I think of her whether I am pissed or sorry for her depends on the music playing in my earbuds at the time.
She's not the only person to avoid me while I try to reach out to them. But she's the only one I feel guilt over it, like it's my fault even though it probably has nothing to do with me.
Lastly I met up with my old pal from High School, saw him for the first time in 5 years. His girlfriend was with him. Had great time. Conversation went smooth for me with both of them. For some reason he would pay for my beers (getting stuff for free, yeah) even though I never asked him to do that. We agreed to meet again somewhere around Easter.
I seriously start thinking about starting my private dream journal, while I not necessarily remember them I do remember certain people I know. And most times they are not those I would expect. I don't remember last time I dreamed about my ex and about my sweetheart at the very beginning of this run. At the same time (as I mentioned before) yesterday I dreamed about my high school classmate and today about my female friend.
And I do want to talk about her more. During last fall she was helping me a lot with conversation, advice and simple listening to me while I was fighting with my ex. Her patience then and certain evening when she was giving me "**** me" signals brought me to believe she's in love with me, but 2 months ago when I confronted her over it she denied. Now she avoids me for some reason, claims she is depressed and is not in a mood for socializing, but I know she lies because I met her today on the street with 2 guys going somewhere. I'm not interested in her sexually so I'm not jealous or anything like that. But I am disappointed in her because she used to be person I would confide with and I knew I can always count on her, and now whenever I want to reach out to her I get nothing.
This brings me 2 conflicting emotions. On the one hand I am angry and I want to throw her out of my life because right now I'm just wasting my time reaching out to her. On the other hand I have a lot of respect for her and I know something is up and I'd love to help her out. Sadly she won't tell me anything. To make matters worse I fear I might be the source of her problem and that brings guilt. When I think of her whether I am pissed or sorry for her depends on the music playing in my earbuds at the time.
She's not the only person to avoid me while I try to reach out to them. But she's the only one I feel guilt over it, like it's my fault even though it probably has nothing to do with me.
Lastly I met up with my old pal from High School, saw him for the first time in 5 years. His girlfriend was with him. Had great time. Conversation went smooth for me with both of them. For some reason he would pay for my beers (getting stuff for free, yeah) even though I never asked him to do that. We agreed to meet again somewhere around Easter.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4