02-13-2017, 04:13 PM
Quote:Before I say anything else, I will preface this by saying that I have this component in my personality also.
It's a matter of the level of maturity of that part of you that is being resistant and stubborn. In my case, it has cost me a lot of friends and business opportunities, and reflecting on those losses and the ridiculous nature of them was motivation for me to seek change. I did that by first training myself to consciously be aware of and then intercepting the conscious responses that led to those outcomes. It wasn't fun, but I then forced myself to consider the consequences and the results and understand that "having it my way" and "being right" were sorry excuses for a "win" compared to what I was trying to achieve.
I then forced myself to outgrow those responses and trained myself to choose the outcome that made the most sense and made me the happiest. "Ha ha, I trashed my long term friendship because I was right, **** you!" isn't it.
Some of it is awareness. Some of it is understanding the outcome and consciously choosing the one you want. Some of it is forcing growth that leads to choosing the best outcome, instead of the one that gives you control, or makes you "right".
When the issue is dealing with a subconscious part of yourself, this becomes significantly more difficult because that part is harder to access, influence and change from the conscious perspective. There are still days when I sit at home gridlocked because Little Shannon doesn't wanna! and Big Shannon does. That little guy is STRONG! Of course he is - he is strong for the exact same reasons I am.
The thing that works for me in this case is to try to understand his response. Why are we resisting cleaning the house? It makes Big Me happy to have a clean house. Apparently, Little Me thinks of clutter as a reminder of dearly departed mom.
Understanding why you are resisting is a big step to making change. Once you understand why you are resisting, you can consciously work to remove the blocks. Asking yourself, "Why am I resisting this?" and then listening for the answer is a good way to do it. Sometimes the answer comes immediately, sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes you'll find it in a dream, or a daydream, or a thought.
If it takes a while, try to think back on your memories and find what a possible reason could be. Then consciously work to fix the issue and reassure Little You that it's safe to cooperate, and that both of you will benefit.
But listen to your inner self and it's concerns. They're not a joke, they matter and they're valid, even if they may be based on a perspective that is misunderstanding something or based in fear.
Interesting, I still don't know exactly how but I will explore that with what is happening now. Exploring by asking what i'm afraid of got this big issue of abandonment and such to come up and i've tried to explore it but not much has come up.