Some other things (in no particular order):
Building off of my last post:
I used to have a lot of resentment towards my mother because even though she meant well, she was a bad role model who bred dysfunctional behaviour in me. By a fortunate turn of events, I moved in with my dad for high school and have lived with him ever since. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. He had taught me so much through action and example. I shudder at the man I would have been had things turned out differently.
~
I faced one of my fears on New Years. I went to a house party and I was the only one who wasn't doing cocaine. It's the second time I've ever been around it and I was uncomfortable. This is going to sound messed up but I've had this fear of being exposed to hard drugs for fear that I would try them, get addicted, and ruin my life. And yes, I understand that this fear completely underestimates my self-control and paints me as weak. Well I was drunk and it was offered to me and I declined. So I feel good about that.
Anyways, I don't think I'll ever be comfortable around hard drugs because I know what they can do, and it's scary that all it takes is one try. The argument that one should avoid users is a good one in theory, but so many people 'casually' do drugs (it's kind of disturbing) and I'm conflicted because as my social status increases, I'm going to penetrate social circles made up of these people. So on the one hand I judge these people, and on the other there's a lot of attractive women who party that I want to sleep with, and guys who present various opportunities through association. I think I'm being realistic when I say that I'd rather be the guy who has boundaries, is confident enforcing them, and navigates life's grey areas with authority.
Anybody want to play devil's advocate?
~
Still noticing attention from women, especially with my new look. It's kind of funny today I went to the grocery store, looking homeless and feeling like shit, and I was still getting looks.
Building off of my last post:
I used to have a lot of resentment towards my mother because even though she meant well, she was a bad role model who bred dysfunctional behaviour in me. By a fortunate turn of events, I moved in with my dad for high school and have lived with him ever since. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. He had taught me so much through action and example. I shudder at the man I would have been had things turned out differently.
~
I faced one of my fears on New Years. I went to a house party and I was the only one who wasn't doing cocaine. It's the second time I've ever been around it and I was uncomfortable. This is going to sound messed up but I've had this fear of being exposed to hard drugs for fear that I would try them, get addicted, and ruin my life. And yes, I understand that this fear completely underestimates my self-control and paints me as weak. Well I was drunk and it was offered to me and I declined. So I feel good about that.
Anyways, I don't think I'll ever be comfortable around hard drugs because I know what they can do, and it's scary that all it takes is one try. The argument that one should avoid users is a good one in theory, but so many people 'casually' do drugs (it's kind of disturbing) and I'm conflicted because as my social status increases, I'm going to penetrate social circles made up of these people. So on the one hand I judge these people, and on the other there's a lot of attractive women who party that I want to sleep with, and guys who present various opportunities through association. I think I'm being realistic when I say that I'd rather be the guy who has boundaries, is confident enforcing them, and navigates life's grey areas with authority.
Anybody want to play devil's advocate?
~
Still noticing attention from women, especially with my new look. It's kind of funny today I went to the grocery store, looking homeless and feeling like shit, and I was still getting looks.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.