Dec 9
A few days ago I absolutely killed it at work. I felt empowered and radiated presence. I teased a naturally dominant coworker of mine and conversed with him on a level where he didn't attempt to overpower the discussion. I also shut down a manager who has a reputation for being abrasive. He conceded not only because I was right, but because I was assertive.
Can Stage 1 of AM6 really be having this effect on me?
Deep down a part of me—old Essy, almost like a separate consciousness—observed my behaviour with shock, amazement, and at times, discomfort. It was a peculiar sensation.
I've also had some darker moments, where I'm hard on myself about not changing sooner, about pursuing the change that I'm after at an age where I feel that I should already be the end result, about my sexual frustration and the self-image that fuels it, and about how I want to be the strong, focused, positive, and self-validating man that my father is and recognize that I am not. Can you say run-on sentence?
The other morning I felt anxiety with an intensity that I haven't experienced in a while. I'm not sure if or how much of it was resistance (does Stage 1 have stuff that can be resisted?) and how much of it had to with not using my newly found free time—I halved my hours at work to start an internet business—wisely. To be fair I also wanted more time for self-development but as they say work keeps the mind occupied.
That's all for now. Stage 1 is coming to an end. I will be taking on 2 extra days to make up for the 2 that I missed.
I'm going to make notes more often so I can post with greater frequency and accuracy.
A few days ago I absolutely killed it at work. I felt empowered and radiated presence. I teased a naturally dominant coworker of mine and conversed with him on a level where he didn't attempt to overpower the discussion. I also shut down a manager who has a reputation for being abrasive. He conceded not only because I was right, but because I was assertive.
Can Stage 1 of AM6 really be having this effect on me?
Deep down a part of me—old Essy, almost like a separate consciousness—observed my behaviour with shock, amazement, and at times, discomfort. It was a peculiar sensation.
I've also had some darker moments, where I'm hard on myself about not changing sooner, about pursuing the change that I'm after at an age where I feel that I should already be the end result, about my sexual frustration and the self-image that fuels it, and about how I want to be the strong, focused, positive, and self-validating man that my father is and recognize that I am not. Can you say run-on sentence?
The other morning I felt anxiety with an intensity that I haven't experienced in a while. I'm not sure if or how much of it was resistance (does Stage 1 have stuff that can be resisted?) and how much of it had to with not using my newly found free time—I halved my hours at work to start an internet business—wisely. To be fair I also wanted more time for self-development but as they say work keeps the mind occupied.
That's all for now. Stage 1 is coming to an end. I will be taking on 2 extra days to make up for the 2 that I missed.
I'm going to make notes more often so I can post with greater frequency and accuracy.