04-30-2012, 11:38 PM
Yesterday I invited two women home to make sushi. This is major, and difficult to believe that I did. I am extremely happy about inviting them, even if they are not coming, but in fact I think they will.
Yesterday in the queue at the local supermarket, I saw a beautiful women behind me. Without thinking, I turned around and looked her in the eyes. She met my gaze. Wonderful! I am amazed about getting the urge to turn around and look her in the eyes, instead of immediately starting to think negatively about how she perceives me. Too bad I did not say something like "Hi, has anybody ever told you you have beautiful eyes" or even better, commented on her four cans of beers and a pizza "Party today?" This would have been great, but it will have to come later. I really want to be able to talk freely to beautiful women. I want to be a great charmer. Also, the cashier, quite pretty, who has been treating me coldly in the past, gave me a fresh "Hi".
The dancing lessons are going OK. Because I have never danced before, it is a little difficult, and I am awkward. But I can tell that the instructor likes me. She encourages me and says I have good rhythm. The boxing is going well, too. I have not done that before either. Boxers are actually straight forward and nice people. It is not about hurting people, even if it is necessary to have some courage. I told the instructor I was a little afraid, she said if anybody are hitting me too hard, I can just tell them that they are hitting me to hard, and ask them to take it easy. So simple. It's all in my head, since I am a beginner, nobody has been hitting me at all. This big, experienced guy was suddenly in front of me, and I got afraid just by looking at him. He held up his guard and told me, just hit me all you can. Obviously, I did not hurt him at all. Afterwards, he was quite friendly.
Quite soon, I am going to Paris by myself. I plan to see Versailles, a samba show and an operetta, and all just because I want to. Planning stuff like this just for myself is surreal. Must remember to say "Bonjour" all the time.
Today I am going to a cafe by myself. I am going to try to say "Hi" to somebody, preferably a woman, and read a magazine. After that I will do a good workout in the back yard.
I have befriended a natural seducer. He is amazing, the way he talks to and thinks about women all the time. In the beginning I did not understand why he valued all his female friends so much. Now I understand - they are all potential lays. If he gets in contact with a women he lingers on and keeps talking. Buying something in a shop from a beautiful woman can take a long time, while I wait patiently, feeling awkward. If he sees something he likes, like an object, he picks it up and look at it. He is very clear about what he likes, and often wants to get his way. But it is also quite easy to ask him for a favour. He might not do it all at once, but he will do it in his time, and he gets the job done properly. He enjoys the company of men, like going for a walk in the woods. He really, really likes to talk about women and sex. Quite soon, I will go out on town with him. Then I will study how he does it all.
To be truthful, the thought of sex scares me, even if I want it. Even the thought of saying "Hi" scares me. I am very fed up with this nervousness. It is absolutely not useful in any way.
All these awkward years.
Yesterday in the queue at the local supermarket, I saw a beautiful women behind me. Without thinking, I turned around and looked her in the eyes. She met my gaze. Wonderful! I am amazed about getting the urge to turn around and look her in the eyes, instead of immediately starting to think negatively about how she perceives me. Too bad I did not say something like "Hi, has anybody ever told you you have beautiful eyes" or even better, commented on her four cans of beers and a pizza "Party today?" This would have been great, but it will have to come later. I really want to be able to talk freely to beautiful women. I want to be a great charmer. Also, the cashier, quite pretty, who has been treating me coldly in the past, gave me a fresh "Hi".
The dancing lessons are going OK. Because I have never danced before, it is a little difficult, and I am awkward. But I can tell that the instructor likes me. She encourages me and says I have good rhythm. The boxing is going well, too. I have not done that before either. Boxers are actually straight forward and nice people. It is not about hurting people, even if it is necessary to have some courage. I told the instructor I was a little afraid, she said if anybody are hitting me too hard, I can just tell them that they are hitting me to hard, and ask them to take it easy. So simple. It's all in my head, since I am a beginner, nobody has been hitting me at all. This big, experienced guy was suddenly in front of me, and I got afraid just by looking at him. He held up his guard and told me, just hit me all you can. Obviously, I did not hurt him at all. Afterwards, he was quite friendly.
Quite soon, I am going to Paris by myself. I plan to see Versailles, a samba show and an operetta, and all just because I want to. Planning stuff like this just for myself is surreal. Must remember to say "Bonjour" all the time.
Today I am going to a cafe by myself. I am going to try to say "Hi" to somebody, preferably a woman, and read a magazine. After that I will do a good workout in the back yard.
I have befriended a natural seducer. He is amazing, the way he talks to and thinks about women all the time. In the beginning I did not understand why he valued all his female friends so much. Now I understand - they are all potential lays. If he gets in contact with a women he lingers on and keeps talking. Buying something in a shop from a beautiful woman can take a long time, while I wait patiently, feeling awkward. If he sees something he likes, like an object, he picks it up and look at it. He is very clear about what he likes, and often wants to get his way. But it is also quite easy to ask him for a favour. He might not do it all at once, but he will do it in his time, and he gets the job done properly. He enjoys the company of men, like going for a walk in the woods. He really, really likes to talk about women and sex. Quite soon, I will go out on town with him. Then I will study how he does it all.
To be truthful, the thought of sex scares me, even if I want it. Even the thought of saying "Hi" scares me. I am very fed up with this nervousness. It is absolutely not useful in any way.
All these awkward years.