08-31-2023, 08:10 AM
So finished listening to the sub for the 6th time and finishing up this first cycle of listening to it. I'm already getting the urge to listen to it more but I think I will wait. I mainly want to see how I feel throughout the first 6 days off of it. If I notice on one particular day within those 6 days I see a noticeable downward in affects happening then I will take not of that. For example if I notice some resistance popping up more noticeable on say day 4 of not listening then I might do 7 days on and 3 days off instead. I know I will need some days off because I definitely notice a ramp up affect when listening to this consistently days in a row. Like the power and effects slowly ramp up every consistent day you listen to it however I do notice with this ramp up it might start running into some kind of uncomfortable feelings or resistance. Thing is the resistance is way better handled on this. I only started feeling any of that yesterday on the 5th day. I noticed some uncomfortable feelings coming up while listening. However automatically my mind did something it hasn't done before. Essentially I just said "I will feel, experience and let go whatever I need to to reach the goal". Once that happened its like I was still feeling the emotions but I was able to disconnected from them, deal with them and just observe them objectively.
On other thing that I noticed in this ramp up affect is it feelings like the instructions (going to use a metaphor I guess) are taking me by the hand and slowly increasing my desire to want the end goal more and more. Obviously these are just instructions so that means that a major part of me that is executing is taking the part of me that is somewhat hesitant by the hand and slowly walking me towards the goal. I use hesitant because that is what it feels like. I don't feel any major "I'm not going to execute this, I'm too scared" resistance. It just feels like that part is executing but its doing it very slowly, step by step. Its not refusing to execute, its just very cautious but its at least moving towards the goal instead of either complete stonewalling or (the more frequent response I will get) cause as much emotional distress as possible in order to stop moving towards the goal. I have to say this is a very big improvement for me.
I did have one thing happen while listening for the end of this cycle. All of a sudden the idea that I'm not broken was accepted and that I can heal myself. All I need to do is change my mind. It felt like some part of me was coming to this realization or was slowly trying to believe in this. So I think this is good. More than anything it just seems like different parts of me are heavily engaging with this script. I do think I will actually try reporting here often like I have been doing because a thought did occur to me. With so many people suffering from PTSD if this sub either ends up curing, getting rid of the symptoms or even put the PTSD in remission I think this account might be very useful for some people who are looking for a way to find relief from this horrible mental condition. Might be good as well for maybe getting some kind of ballpark figure of how long you might need to listen for until you might see serious reduction in symptoms (though obviously everyone will be different).
Anyway, that's about it for now. Will just try to enjoy my days off over the next few days.
On other thing that I noticed in this ramp up affect is it feelings like the instructions (going to use a metaphor I guess) are taking me by the hand and slowly increasing my desire to want the end goal more and more. Obviously these are just instructions so that means that a major part of me that is executing is taking the part of me that is somewhat hesitant by the hand and slowly walking me towards the goal. I use hesitant because that is what it feels like. I don't feel any major "I'm not going to execute this, I'm too scared" resistance. It just feels like that part is executing but its doing it very slowly, step by step. Its not refusing to execute, its just very cautious but its at least moving towards the goal instead of either complete stonewalling or (the more frequent response I will get) cause as much emotional distress as possible in order to stop moving towards the goal. I have to say this is a very big improvement for me.
I did have one thing happen while listening for the end of this cycle. All of a sudden the idea that I'm not broken was accepted and that I can heal myself. All I need to do is change my mind. It felt like some part of me was coming to this realization or was slowly trying to believe in this. So I think this is good. More than anything it just seems like different parts of me are heavily engaging with this script. I do think I will actually try reporting here often like I have been doing because a thought did occur to me. With so many people suffering from PTSD if this sub either ends up curing, getting rid of the symptoms or even put the PTSD in remission I think this account might be very useful for some people who are looking for a way to find relief from this horrible mental condition. Might be good as well for maybe getting some kind of ballpark figure of how long you might need to listen for until you might see serious reduction in symptoms (though obviously everyone will be different).
Anyway, that's about it for now. Will just try to enjoy my days off over the next few days.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche