Been off booze and PMO for over 2 months 
Went out today and to my surprise I felt totally different than I usually do. By that I mean I didn't "hide" behind my usual defensive strategies and body language (eyebrows tense, strict and tall posture, mean look, basically the regular mean fucker look that you sometimes see). What I felt was vulnerability.
"Vulnerability? That sucks man, sorry to hear that," you say. But no, it's not a bad thing at all. It actually felt fucking awesome! I felt like I was out there with all of my flaws and what not, without trying to hide them in a fear of being rejected because I am not good enough. I was at a meeting earlier in order to get on this program that would help me learn a lot of the stuff I need to get started on my entrepreneurial journey. In short it went great, I owe a big amount to being very honest, showing that I know my shit (when I had to) and let them know that I am willing to put in the work.
I have had a big breakthrough with my anxiety. Just acknowledging that it's there and not being ashamed of it (by freely admitting that to others) takes away most of its power, who would have thought? Wish I knew that before dropping out of school because of anxiety, the anxiety that came from trying to hide the anxiety from others AND the not accepting of the anxiety which made it way worse. Fuck, sometimes our thought patterns can be so screwed up it's not even funny.
So there was this table full of girls when I was eating at one place and one of them kept staring at me like she was trying to burn 2 holes in me with her stare, luckily she did not have superwoman's eyes so I was safe. Been getting a lot of attention from women with this more relaxed and accepting body-language and mindset.
ASC is working differently this time. My last run was filled with aggression and anger most of the time. I decided to actively deal with the stuff that surface during this run and it is working. I'm not angry toward having all this stuff happen that happened in the past, but rather accepting and feel this vulnerability. Feels a lot like a deeper confidence, takes some getting used to though since I'm not used to being secure.
EDIT: Took a few measurements today, my bf is 21% at 81kg (66-67kg lean). I am not too impressed with the results so I'll be doing 16/8 IF starting today and a 36h fast once a week to cut down on the body fat before I bulk a little before summer. Freeletics is tough, but it's even tougher with high bf %. I am aiming for 2% bf drop per week if the side effects are bearable.
Went out today and to my surprise I felt totally different than I usually do. By that I mean I didn't "hide" behind my usual defensive strategies and body language (eyebrows tense, strict and tall posture, mean look, basically the regular mean fucker look that you sometimes see). What I felt was vulnerability.
"Vulnerability? That sucks man, sorry to hear that," you say. But no, it's not a bad thing at all. It actually felt fucking awesome! I felt like I was out there with all of my flaws and what not, without trying to hide them in a fear of being rejected because I am not good enough. I was at a meeting earlier in order to get on this program that would help me learn a lot of the stuff I need to get started on my entrepreneurial journey. In short it went great, I owe a big amount to being very honest, showing that I know my shit (when I had to) and let them know that I am willing to put in the work.
I have had a big breakthrough with my anxiety. Just acknowledging that it's there and not being ashamed of it (by freely admitting that to others) takes away most of its power, who would have thought? Wish I knew that before dropping out of school because of anxiety, the anxiety that came from trying to hide the anxiety from others AND the not accepting of the anxiety which made it way worse. Fuck, sometimes our thought patterns can be so screwed up it's not even funny.
So there was this table full of girls when I was eating at one place and one of them kept staring at me like she was trying to burn 2 holes in me with her stare, luckily she did not have superwoman's eyes so I was safe. Been getting a lot of attention from women with this more relaxed and accepting body-language and mindset.
ASC is working differently this time. My last run was filled with aggression and anger most of the time. I decided to actively deal with the stuff that surface during this run and it is working. I'm not angry toward having all this stuff happen that happened in the past, but rather accepting and feel this vulnerability. Feels a lot like a deeper confidence, takes some getting used to though since I'm not used to being secure.
EDIT: Took a few measurements today, my bf is 21% at 81kg (66-67kg lean). I am not too impressed with the results so I'll be doing 16/8 IF starting today and a 36h fast once a week to cut down on the body fat before I bulk a little before summer. Freeletics is tough, but it's even tougher with high bf %. I am aiming for 2% bf drop per week if the side effects are bearable.
