Okay guys, here's an update on everything right now.
Dec 20 will be my 64th day, so it's only 4 days off.
I stopped and took a look at my habits. I'm in the process of figuring out how to run my day from the moment I wake up. This is what I noticed with my patterns of habit:
1 I want to fuck girls
2 I go talk to a few girls, have a good interaction most of the time and we exchange numbers (this happens fairly often)
3 Because college schedules can be hectic, I'll get flaked on due to legitimate sounding reasons
4 Eventually they don't respond to my texts anymore (these are girls that I only have seen in person that one time I first met them)
5 I feel bad about myself for failing at having what I feel is a basic right (to fuck hot girls)
6 I eventually end up finding pron with the kind of girl I'd really like to fuck with the guy fucking her the way I would
7 Repeat
I have taken action to stop the cycle above. I'm officially SERIOUSLY taking my brain off porn. I watched the videos suggested by CatMan. And it's unnacceptable what happens to your brain. I'm fine right now, but I'm not going to physically alter my brain in a bad way. Unfortunately, yesterday I got really horny and I went HAM on pron (not for longer than usual, but I busted 4 nuts). I had been masturbating to myself for about a week and I felt better after, but like I said, I really wanted to fuck a hot girl yesterday.
Another bad habit cycle
1- I'm with a group of people who aren't my friends yet
2- Someone else gets the attention of everyone
3- I don't really get it back and don't know how to respond
4- I feel weird and don't know what to do and may feel bad about myself
I have started avoiding group situations like this. But this has started recently. I was over this before I started AoS/BIATBWS, but now it seems like social anxiety and depression have come back.
Between the last major update and today, I only noticed one girl make eye contact with me and smile. Before AoS/BIATBWS I didn't really look for that. And since it's not happening on a daily basis, I can't say the sub is helping. I cross paths with MANY MANY MANY girls a day on campus while just going to class. I would really think I'd see it at least once a day if it was the sub helping.
As of right now, I go between feeling noticeably more social anxiety, feeling barely any, and feeling depression. I thought I had BPD, but I met a girl who has it and we talked about it and she doesn't think I have it, but just depression. I also have a lack of motivation towards classes I don't care about. And at times, I feel ashamed of my lack of my success with girls. I would think "Oh I have the subs on my side now, I'm unstoppable", and then go and talk to a girl, but it doesn't really go much differently than what it normally would.
Before AoS/BIATBWS there was no sexual activity with the girls I really wanted to fuck. So I thought I'd KNOW that it works if afterwards there is an increase (which means it's actually happening). I don't care about numbers, or anything like that. The missing part that I had issue with before was strictly fucking the hot girl, that's really it.
I really wanted to start 2016 off on the right foot. So I planned on doing OF 5G. I was gonna stop my current combo on the 20th if something didn't change in a major way.
But since I read your posts and you want me to continue, tell me, NOW do you really think I should continue? Can the changes happen very suddenly? I thought it would be a gradual improvement, and if that's the case, I would say that I haven't improved or had my sex life improved. When I read some others journals, they say things like "It builds up as each day passes" and that girls look at them "every day", so I just assumed it built up to it.
Dec 20 will be my 64th day, so it's only 4 days off.
I stopped and took a look at my habits. I'm in the process of figuring out how to run my day from the moment I wake up. This is what I noticed with my patterns of habit:
1 I want to fuck girls
2 I go talk to a few girls, have a good interaction most of the time and we exchange numbers (this happens fairly often)
3 Because college schedules can be hectic, I'll get flaked on due to legitimate sounding reasons
4 Eventually they don't respond to my texts anymore (these are girls that I only have seen in person that one time I first met them)
5 I feel bad about myself for failing at having what I feel is a basic right (to fuck hot girls)
6 I eventually end up finding pron with the kind of girl I'd really like to fuck with the guy fucking her the way I would
7 Repeat
I have taken action to stop the cycle above. I'm officially SERIOUSLY taking my brain off porn. I watched the videos suggested by CatMan. And it's unnacceptable what happens to your brain. I'm fine right now, but I'm not going to physically alter my brain in a bad way. Unfortunately, yesterday I got really horny and I went HAM on pron (not for longer than usual, but I busted 4 nuts). I had been masturbating to myself for about a week and I felt better after, but like I said, I really wanted to fuck a hot girl yesterday.
Another bad habit cycle
1- I'm with a group of people who aren't my friends yet
2- Someone else gets the attention of everyone
3- I don't really get it back and don't know how to respond
4- I feel weird and don't know what to do and may feel bad about myself
I have started avoiding group situations like this. But this has started recently. I was over this before I started AoS/BIATBWS, but now it seems like social anxiety and depression have come back.
Between the last major update and today, I only noticed one girl make eye contact with me and smile. Before AoS/BIATBWS I didn't really look for that. And since it's not happening on a daily basis, I can't say the sub is helping. I cross paths with MANY MANY MANY girls a day on campus while just going to class. I would really think I'd see it at least once a day if it was the sub helping.
As of right now, I go between feeling noticeably more social anxiety, feeling barely any, and feeling depression. I thought I had BPD, but I met a girl who has it and we talked about it and she doesn't think I have it, but just depression. I also have a lack of motivation towards classes I don't care about. And at times, I feel ashamed of my lack of my success with girls. I would think "Oh I have the subs on my side now, I'm unstoppable", and then go and talk to a girl, but it doesn't really go much differently than what it normally would.
Before AoS/BIATBWS there was no sexual activity with the girls I really wanted to fuck. So I thought I'd KNOW that it works if afterwards there is an increase (which means it's actually happening). I don't care about numbers, or anything like that. The missing part that I had issue with before was strictly fucking the hot girl, that's really it.
I really wanted to start 2016 off on the right foot. So I planned on doing OF 5G. I was gonna stop my current combo on the 20th if something didn't change in a major way.
But since I read your posts and you want me to continue, tell me, NOW do you really think I should continue? Can the changes happen very suddenly? I thought it would be a gradual improvement, and if that's the case, I would say that I haven't improved or had my sex life improved. When I read some others journals, they say things like "It builds up as each day passes" and that girls look at them "every day", so I just assumed it built up to it.
