Today is my third and last make up day.
I am noticing so much attention from women. It's clear that they perceive me to be more physically attractive than I think I am, which supports my observation that my mindset has not caught up with my new body.
The other day I was at the gym and this sexy blonde couldn't keep her eyes off of me. A few days later I was walking through the mall catching girls looking at me. At a clothing store I watched the pupils of the girl helping me dilate as we spoke. I'm so used to closing myself off to sexual prospects because of my history with low self-esteem that noticing these opportunities is new and a bit overwhelming.
Growing up, I learned to feel so bad about my self-image that I came to believe I didn't deserve contact with women nor did I belong anywhere but the bottom of the hierarchy amongst men. You can imagine the emotional pain that resulted from social/sexual deprivation as I matured. At times I coped by telling myself ridiculous things such as "Women are not sexual creatures."
I could be a real killer, but I'm still not willing to act on or create opportunities; and it's extremely frustrating. This is literally my greatest mental hangup, and it consists of fear, shame, and a deficit of confidence.
I am noticing so much attention from women. It's clear that they perceive me to be more physically attractive than I think I am, which supports my observation that my mindset has not caught up with my new body.
The other day I was at the gym and this sexy blonde couldn't keep her eyes off of me. A few days later I was walking through the mall catching girls looking at me. At a clothing store I watched the pupils of the girl helping me dilate as we spoke. I'm so used to closing myself off to sexual prospects because of my history with low self-esteem that noticing these opportunities is new and a bit overwhelming.
Growing up, I learned to feel so bad about my self-image that I came to believe I didn't deserve contact with women nor did I belong anywhere but the bottom of the hierarchy amongst men. You can imagine the emotional pain that resulted from social/sexual deprivation as I matured. At times I coped by telling myself ridiculous things such as "Women are not sexual creatures."
I could be a real killer, but I'm still not willing to act on or create opportunities; and it's extremely frustrating. This is literally my greatest mental hangup, and it consists of fear, shame, and a deficit of confidence.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
