03-14-2011, 04:33 PM
(03-14-2011, 10:37 AM)Cortez Wrote: I think it's more of a need to control the outcome instead of letting it be what it will. That causes irrational fears, because then you have a set way that you want the interaction to go and start thinking of all the ways it could go wrong. That's always what my problem was anyway...
that makes sense. I think its the same for me as well.
I start stage 6 tonight
One thing i notice on stage 5 for sure is my swagger is completely natural and me. Kind of like when you see a horse trot and it just flows through the air and everything is moving as one.
I also seem to be more human now then how i used to be. Before Alpha i always felt like an outsider to the rest of the human population. like a robot with anger as the main emotion fueling its engines. With alpha i seem to be less cold to people. My friend says the bartender i talked about in my other journal, back when I was using the aurora of sexiness vid. Well i had been pretty cold to her most of my time on Alpha. (i teased her a lot but not a lot of conversation) but when i went out in my blazer dressed sharp and caught her off guard and she said "Wow you look good!" All i could say was thank you. no witty or smart a** thank you just a sincere thank you. I guess this interaction made me feel warmer on the inside or something as he said i was talking to her in a different manner after that and she was all over me. So i guess im becoming human
