11-15-2015, 01:44 AM
(11-15-2015, 01:09 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: stage 4 day 31
my conversations go sexual real fast, which is unusual for the "old me". Idk what changes stage 4 has brought on, due to the naturalizer. But now I'm convinced it's working on SOMETHING.
I have been openly and blatantly making sexual comments (totally opposite of a smooth operator lol), and have been getting rejected quite a bit, but I'm not phased by it as much as I would have been in the past.
I heard one of my best female friends tell her life story today, and she talked about fear, and how being in fear is like being crippled. Being in fear is like having no legs, and being told to run across the room. Fear is a tremendous HANDICAP. which is definitely something I've had in the past, in regards to sexuality... but my fear is slowly starting to be removed, and even more so that I've done a fears inventory. I should probably do a more thorough and searching fear inventory to see what's hidden in the deepest crevaces of my heart and soul.
+ got a blatant butt display today, she gave me the CFM eyes and she's been given me the CFM eyes before, but she was engaged before, then that engagement ended and now she's with another dude (who was also where I was today) but still gave me those eyes and butt display
+- been spending time with this fine ass girl, who i can tell has an unwritten thing for me, but she's married with 2 kids (27 y/o). part of me feels like she's not happy with her husband either way, adn will cheat on him whether it's with me or not, the other part of me is like NO it's totally NOT spiritual to be a homewrecker, and that I should leave it at friendship
- i give off a friendly vibe to other guys, which is actually VERY annoying at times. Unless the conversation with guys has something to do with recovery, I usually just zone out and not even pay attention......
- i found myself being treated differently by women during the couple days after my refapse, and not in a good way either.
+ i feel far more alpha when i don't fap for a few days; i am finding orgone is essential to authority, at least when it's concerned with self inflicted release. maybe it's different after having sex.
Yo dude, way to go man.
Nice progress on your journey.
