Woke up feeling under the weather. I noticed too that the fire I've felt inside of myself lately was absent. Got to the gym later than planned and while my strength was there, my head just wasn't in the game. The confidence wasn't there. I had no frame, no presence.
There's a lot of testosterone at the gym. I like to use the gym as a barometer of my own self-perception in relation to the hormones, egos, and eye candy. Today I just felt like an empty mass there. Low confidence, low masculinity; reactionary. And it sucked. When I feel like that, I tend to invite negative self-talk which makes me feel worse.
I wrote some insightful stuff on my phone in between sets. Sometimes I have insights while working out that I don't get otherwise.
Got through the workout and made my way home. Feel a little better now that I've fleshed out the stuff I noted at the gym. It has to do with reframing my perception of the past.
I've been keeping a journal that I started to elaborate upon my understanding of important 'game' concepts I've extracted from the books I'm reading. I have to say that The Rational Male and TRM: Preventative Medicine are excellent, super-important books that should be read and re-read by men of all ages. Chateau Heartiste also writes good stuff on male-female dynamics, but his blog is interspersed with political rantings that I find to be mostly harsh and repulsive.
Anyway, this journal of mine has grown to be my personal psychologist. I've been using it to articulate counter-arguments to the negative self-talk that I recognize myself as having. Compared to internal dialogue, the written word is harder to ignore and less susceptible to whim or distraction. In short, it's outside of me and in front of me.
My goal—which is based upon the premise that my negative self-talk is quantifiable—is to create an index of ammunition that I can refer to at any time.
[I feel even better having put that concept into words.]
As well, I've learned that in order to provoke real change in myself, I need to write things out, in my own words, as I understand them. Hearing from somebody else is, at best, a good way to get the ball rolling.
There's a lot of testosterone at the gym. I like to use the gym as a barometer of my own self-perception in relation to the hormones, egos, and eye candy. Today I just felt like an empty mass there. Low confidence, low masculinity; reactionary. And it sucked. When I feel like that, I tend to invite negative self-talk which makes me feel worse.
I wrote some insightful stuff on my phone in between sets. Sometimes I have insights while working out that I don't get otherwise.
Got through the workout and made my way home. Feel a little better now that I've fleshed out the stuff I noted at the gym. It has to do with reframing my perception of the past.
I've been keeping a journal that I started to elaborate upon my understanding of important 'game' concepts I've extracted from the books I'm reading. I have to say that The Rational Male and TRM: Preventative Medicine are excellent, super-important books that should be read and re-read by men of all ages. Chateau Heartiste also writes good stuff on male-female dynamics, but his blog is interspersed with political rantings that I find to be mostly harsh and repulsive.
Anyway, this journal of mine has grown to be my personal psychologist. I've been using it to articulate counter-arguments to the negative self-talk that I recognize myself as having. Compared to internal dialogue, the written word is harder to ignore and less susceptible to whim or distraction. In short, it's outside of me and in front of me.
My goal—which is based upon the premise that my negative self-talk is quantifiable—is to create an index of ammunition that I can refer to at any time.
[I feel even better having put that concept into words.]
As well, I've learned that in order to provoke real change in myself, I need to write things out, in my own words, as I understand them. Hearing from somebody else is, at best, a good way to get the ball rolling.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.