S Magnet 3

[apollolux]

[in REAL LIFE now], my crush and I went out to eat,
After eating, we go to whole foods, hang out for a bit and get some stuff, then leave and go to a tea shop and share a pot of matcha tea. It was a really fun day and I REALLY enjoyed spending time with her and getting to know her.

I don't know what is holding me back from ACTUALLY asking her out.

So I turn to my online friends on Sub Talk who may understand where I'm coming from and can most likely give me constructive criticism -

Anyone got any advice on asking a girl out that you like and clearly lieks you back? like what do i say? i feel like an idiot who's inexperienced with what normal people would consider "standard knowledge"... Am I over thinking this?

I'm lost? You are asking for advice to ask her out and you already went out with her. I apologize in advance if I sound like I'm dense...

my bad, i meant i need advice to take the next step to make it "official" or to "seal the deal" so to speak. There is a fear of rejection going on, possibly fear of the unknown too. FEAR seems like it's creeping up on me big time these days.

I believe 4Kingdoms's signature has it right: You miss 100% of the shots you never take. Yes, it's understandable to want to be considerate of her recovery process, but why should you put yourself and your feelings on hold longer than you have to? Why should you deny your own sexual desires and potentially become her doormat or "emotional tampon?" If it's clear you two vibe, escalate and see what happens.

Yes, she is a separate person with her own needs and wants, and you've made it sound like she either needs and/or wants you, so overcome your fear of rejection and make things happen. The best way I've found to overcome such a fear only with your own willpower is to convince yourself the opposite result is the worse thing to fear (i.e. to overcome fear of rejection convince yourself that not escalating results in a much more fearful outcome than being rejected). This was how I originally overcame my original fears of rejection long before listening to ASC, and since ASC I've pretty much internalized that not approaching, not making moves, not escalating, leads to a more fearful outcome than being rejected for any non-legitimate reason.

I've always been a huge advocate of the direct approach, for better or worse, and as long as your actions and your words jive with your feelings and intentions she'll most likely respect you for your honesty. I'll stress it more: as long as your actions and your words jive with your feelings and intentions she'll most likely respect you for your honesty. Be congruent with yourself and what you want and feel. I only wish I knew about congruency years ago and I wish I knew back then what exactly I needed to do to make that happen.