10-24-2015, 06:10 PM
stage 4 day 9
I jacked up the counting on my days in this journal. I'm actually on day 9 TODAY.
Quick Note: I switched to trickling stream last night to attack my subC on a different level. WITH insane result! I had a dream I can remember !
I had a crazy Inception style dream last night! I and my crush both were 3 dreams deep together. Me and her were planning on spending Saturday together, and in my dream I took her to the place we were going to eat at, and she mentioned she had already been there before and I was sad because I wanted to surprise her by taking her to a vegetarian restaurant that she hopefully would have not eaten at. In the next dream layer, I and her went to an AA meeting together, which seemed out of place because the meeting took place INSIDE my house, but the inside looked like a different club, and was filled with people from yet another club. In the 3rd dream layer, we were trying to leave a parking lot, but I had left the car in drive so the car wouldn't turn on, and I was freaking out. So I called my mechanic friend, and he shows up and lifts the hood, and we see a spare car cigarette lighter conveniently placed on the under side of the hood, and I remember thinking "oh that's where the spare cig lighter is!" in the dream.
Now, the crazy thing is, [in REAL LIFE now], my crush and I went out to eat, and I told her about the dreams, and told her I hope she has never eaten at this place before, and as we are driving up to the place, she's like "I USED TO WORK HERE!" which really surprised me because I thought this was a hole in teh wall place nobody knew about!!!!!!!! AND IT PROVED MY DREAM RIGHT LOL
premonitions!?!?!?!?
After eating, we go to whole foods, hang out for a bit and get some stuff, then leave and go to a tea shop and share a pot of matcha tea. It was a really fun day and I REALLY enjoyed spending time with her and getting to know her. She's really awesome and WORTH getting to know, and she's definitely attracted to me too. She laughed so hard at ALL of my BAD JOKES and BAD PUNS lmao.
I don't know what is holding me back from ACTUALLY asking her out. I keep dropping lines of "yes i really like you" and "oh all my friends think we're such a cute couple and i don't disagree" and stuff like that. It's like an implied bf gf VIBE, but it's not actually there yet. I'm afraid that if I wait any longer I will completely screw this up. BUT it goes back to my irrational fear of being in a relationship AND fear of being alone, and now I'm at a point where I'm in NO MANS LAND and it's super detrimental and I am too much of a puss to make the move, even though there's OBVIOUS attraction back and forth......... There might be something within me that won't feel right being tied down with her in a LTR knowing that I am capable of having multiple women at one time... There also might be not wanting to get with her because she's so new to recovery (she's got like 70 days sober, and it's not good to get in a relationship when you're still learning who you are WITHOUT the substances), or what I think is truly the cause: i'm AFRAID. I'm almost convinced I need to run OF after this.
So I turn to my online friends on Sub Talk who may understand where I'm coming from and can most likely give me constructive criticism -
Anyone got any advice on asking a girl out that you like and clearly lieks you back? like what do i say? i feel like an idiot who's inexperienced with what normal people would consider "standard knowledge"... Am I over thinking this?
I jacked up the counting on my days in this journal. I'm actually on day 9 TODAY.
Quick Note: I switched to trickling stream last night to attack my subC on a different level. WITH insane result! I had a dream I can remember !
I had a crazy Inception style dream last night! I and my crush both were 3 dreams deep together. Me and her were planning on spending Saturday together, and in my dream I took her to the place we were going to eat at, and she mentioned she had already been there before and I was sad because I wanted to surprise her by taking her to a vegetarian restaurant that she hopefully would have not eaten at. In the next dream layer, I and her went to an AA meeting together, which seemed out of place because the meeting took place INSIDE my house, but the inside looked like a different club, and was filled with people from yet another club. In the 3rd dream layer, we were trying to leave a parking lot, but I had left the car in drive so the car wouldn't turn on, and I was freaking out. So I called my mechanic friend, and he shows up and lifts the hood, and we see a spare car cigarette lighter conveniently placed on the under side of the hood, and I remember thinking "oh that's where the spare cig lighter is!" in the dream.
Now, the crazy thing is, [in REAL LIFE now], my crush and I went out to eat, and I told her about the dreams, and told her I hope she has never eaten at this place before, and as we are driving up to the place, she's like "I USED TO WORK HERE!" which really surprised me because I thought this was a hole in teh wall place nobody knew about!!!!!!!! AND IT PROVED MY DREAM RIGHT LOL
premonitions!?!?!?!?
After eating, we go to whole foods, hang out for a bit and get some stuff, then leave and go to a tea shop and share a pot of matcha tea. It was a really fun day and I REALLY enjoyed spending time with her and getting to know her. She's really awesome and WORTH getting to know, and she's definitely attracted to me too. She laughed so hard at ALL of my BAD JOKES and BAD PUNS lmao.
I don't know what is holding me back from ACTUALLY asking her out. I keep dropping lines of "yes i really like you" and "oh all my friends think we're such a cute couple and i don't disagree" and stuff like that. It's like an implied bf gf VIBE, but it's not actually there yet. I'm afraid that if I wait any longer I will completely screw this up. BUT it goes back to my irrational fear of being in a relationship AND fear of being alone, and now I'm at a point where I'm in NO MANS LAND and it's super detrimental and I am too much of a puss to make the move, even though there's OBVIOUS attraction back and forth......... There might be something within me that won't feel right being tied down with her in a LTR knowing that I am capable of having multiple women at one time... There also might be not wanting to get with her because she's so new to recovery (she's got like 70 days sober, and it's not good to get in a relationship when you're still learning who you are WITHOUT the substances), or what I think is truly the cause: i'm AFRAID. I'm almost convinced I need to run OF after this.
So I turn to my online friends on Sub Talk who may understand where I'm coming from and can most likely give me constructive criticism -
Anyone got any advice on asking a girl out that you like and clearly lieks you back? like what do i say? i feel like an idiot who's inexperienced with what normal people would consider "standard knowledge"... Am I over thinking this?
