09-18-2015, 02:22 PM
Starting the infamous stage 3 tonight...
Not sure what to say about stage 2. Something's definitely moving but I'm not sure exactly what. I'm finding myself contemplating my future and the way I wanna live a lot. I'm feeling called to freedom and adventure, and I know that the stable "9-5" life is not for me. I'm currently in Croatia with family, which while nice, has been quite hard, as I've had a yearning to start furthering my life and there's not much I can do here. I'm kind of dependent as well, as I'm staying with family, don't have a lot of money and don't have an international license. My intense desire to be independent has been strong.
I've been cycling between extremely insecure and euphoric and confident, often multiple times a day. Today I went to the beach by myself, and there were 3 cute girls near me, took me about 10 minutes to muster up the courage to ask them to watch my bag while I go in the water lol. Then when I got back, I made some small talk, they were friendly and inviting but I felt awkward and left saying I wanted to get food. Then the next time I walked past them, the cutest one said "Hey" in an inviting way, and all I could think to say was "See ya!". So much self-hatred in that moment.. That being said, this stage of AM last year I doubt I would've even talked to them. The majority of girls I've slept with have been through social circle game, so this is definitely a sticking point. This stage is making me think about where I am, rather than deluding myself into thinking I'm some kind of pimp just because I've had more sexual partners than the average guy!
Finally, the dreams have been insane, dreams about past girls, being confronted by other men, monsters, fears etc. Looking forward to seeing what stage 3 brings, and knowing that even if it's brutal it'll be worth it!
Not sure what to say about stage 2. Something's definitely moving but I'm not sure exactly what. I'm finding myself contemplating my future and the way I wanna live a lot. I'm feeling called to freedom and adventure, and I know that the stable "9-5" life is not for me. I'm currently in Croatia with family, which while nice, has been quite hard, as I've had a yearning to start furthering my life and there's not much I can do here. I'm kind of dependent as well, as I'm staying with family, don't have a lot of money and don't have an international license. My intense desire to be independent has been strong.
I've been cycling between extremely insecure and euphoric and confident, often multiple times a day. Today I went to the beach by myself, and there were 3 cute girls near me, took me about 10 minutes to muster up the courage to ask them to watch my bag while I go in the water lol. Then when I got back, I made some small talk, they were friendly and inviting but I felt awkward and left saying I wanted to get food. Then the next time I walked past them, the cutest one said "Hey" in an inviting way, and all I could think to say was "See ya!". So much self-hatred in that moment.. That being said, this stage of AM last year I doubt I would've even talked to them. The majority of girls I've slept with have been through social circle game, so this is definitely a sticking point. This stage is making me think about where I am, rather than deluding myself into thinking I'm some kind of pimp just because I've had more sexual partners than the average guy!
Finally, the dreams have been insane, dreams about past girls, being confronted by other men, monsters, fears etc. Looking forward to seeing what stage 3 brings, and knowing that even if it's brutal it'll be worth it!
Turning super saiyan.
