09-07-2015, 10:07 PM
Stage 1 Day 31:
When I interact with people I notice that I behave differently than I used to a month ago. I can't always put words into what has changed exactly but I notice it by people reaction. They are surprised, they are not used to see me like that or to talk like that. One of my long term friend who know I use sub seems to be curious each time we see each other, he tries to find what has changed about me again, he seems upset, he is very proud and want to be first every time, he doesn't like that I'm better than him though I don't care about who is first, I just want to be better than my old self. I also noticed that I'm more aggressive with my brother, when he begin to argue about something stupid I get angry very easily.
My father is playing the victim game with me, each time I doesn't agree with him he goes back to his shell and act like he is a victim and I'm a monster for criticizing a “innocent man like him who can't defend himself” (supposedly). It's incredible how my parents are manipulative, it's fun to see and play with them, I see it as a game now.
I seems to have lost a bit of my motivation to learn astrology the last few days. I hope it's just for a few days. I had some very weird dream about homosexuality and sex with girls.
When I interact with people I notice that I behave differently than I used to a month ago. I can't always put words into what has changed exactly but I notice it by people reaction. They are surprised, they are not used to see me like that or to talk like that. One of my long term friend who know I use sub seems to be curious each time we see each other, he tries to find what has changed about me again, he seems upset, he is very proud and want to be first every time, he doesn't like that I'm better than him though I don't care about who is first, I just want to be better than my old self. I also noticed that I'm more aggressive with my brother, when he begin to argue about something stupid I get angry very easily.
My father is playing the victim game with me, each time I doesn't agree with him he goes back to his shell and act like he is a victim and I'm a monster for criticizing a “innocent man like him who can't defend himself” (supposedly). It's incredible how my parents are manipulative, it's fun to see and play with them, I see it as a game now.
I seems to have lost a bit of my motivation to learn astrology the last few days. I hope it's just for a few days. I had some very weird dream about homosexuality and sex with girls.
