Feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem are strong today, and persistent. Between stepping out to the bank and walking my dog, I spotted two exceptionally beautiful women and the sight of them just made me feel like shit about myself. I did not miss these feelings.
I am also revisiting the regret and self-pity I have about how inexperienced I am socially and especially sexually for my age (I'm in my late 20s). It's like I spent my teens and 20s under a rock. And if that's not enough, I am plagued with the notion that I'll never catch up, since most people have 10 years on me in these areas.
I feel jealously and a sinking feeling when I hear or read about people in their teens and 20s discussing their sexual tastes and experiences, the parties and social events that they attend, and their social circles. Makes me feel like such a loser.
I have to believe these thoughts and feelings (having not been eliminated) are resurfacing because of AM6.r2. I have to remind myself that this is my life's renaissance and everything—good and bad—has led to now; the peak of my self-development.
Last time I was in Stage, there were few emotional peaks and valleys. I specifically wrote about how I expected to feel worse. Well this time around I'm halfway through and boy is it noticeable. I think it's a combination of making 12 hours my new minimum and the cumulative impact of having done this once before.
Have to remind myself that when the subs hurt, it's the same as when they get you high: it means they're working.
I am also revisiting the regret and self-pity I have about how inexperienced I am socially and especially sexually for my age (I'm in my late 20s). It's like I spent my teens and 20s under a rock. And if that's not enough, I am plagued with the notion that I'll never catch up, since most people have 10 years on me in these areas.
I feel jealously and a sinking feeling when I hear or read about people in their teens and 20s discussing their sexual tastes and experiences, the parties and social events that they attend, and their social circles. Makes me feel like such a loser.
I have to believe these thoughts and feelings (having not been eliminated) are resurfacing because of AM6.r2. I have to remind myself that this is my life's renaissance and everything—good and bad—has led to now; the peak of my self-development.
Last time I was in Stage, there were few emotional peaks and valleys. I specifically wrote about how I expected to feel worse. Well this time around I'm halfway through and boy is it noticeable. I think it's a combination of making 12 hours my new minimum and the cumulative impact of having done this once before.
Have to remind myself that when the subs hurt, it's the same as when they get you high: it means they're working.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
