06-17-2015, 10:31 AM
Life update
So last night a girl I knew back in high school added me on fb out of nowhere. No contact with her at all for a very long time. Plus I remembered how I reacted to her when I found out she was interested in some senior. I remembered how bad I felt and how angry I was...and then I kept thinking why did she add me after all this time...I couldn't come up with a reason and I came to the logical conclusion that if I add her back and message her and then she doesn't respond then it doesn't change my circumstances comparing to how I was before she even added me.
I had a dream last night too relating to girls. It was overall not good, and I was relieved when I woke up, remembered it, and realized that none of it actually happened.
Today I also thought about all the other guys on the planet that have suffered from emotional pain with women. I really thought to myself "What if I could lead them to a better place, and myself too". I even thought to myself "What if I could fix the wrongs/failures with previous girls I really liked?" since it seems like people from my past are somehow finding me/coming back to my reality. At the same time I don't want to get my hopes up. Yes, I've changed a hell of a lot since then, but I'd prefer to have the girls from the past stay in the past unless I can actually make difference. In other words, a guarantee would be nice, but I know that's not the world we live in. I am just sick of the sickness and want to change. I want to permanently get rid of it
In other matters, I am staying pretty strict with the Renegade nutrition plan. I'm use to the intermittent fasting now. I checked my macros yesterday just to see where they were and I need to up my protein. Also, I'm going to start going even heavier with my training starting next week. This week is my bodyweight/lightweight week. I've been aiming for sets of 5, but now I'm gonna aim for sets of 3.
And it's official that I'm gonna join the company my friend told me about later this week. Once I'm in, that'll be the main focus for a bit.
So last night a girl I knew back in high school added me on fb out of nowhere. No contact with her at all for a very long time. Plus I remembered how I reacted to her when I found out she was interested in some senior. I remembered how bad I felt and how angry I was...and then I kept thinking why did she add me after all this time...I couldn't come up with a reason and I came to the logical conclusion that if I add her back and message her and then she doesn't respond then it doesn't change my circumstances comparing to how I was before she even added me.
I had a dream last night too relating to girls. It was overall not good, and I was relieved when I woke up, remembered it, and realized that none of it actually happened.
Today I also thought about all the other guys on the planet that have suffered from emotional pain with women. I really thought to myself "What if I could lead them to a better place, and myself too". I even thought to myself "What if I could fix the wrongs/failures with previous girls I really liked?" since it seems like people from my past are somehow finding me/coming back to my reality. At the same time I don't want to get my hopes up. Yes, I've changed a hell of a lot since then, but I'd prefer to have the girls from the past stay in the past unless I can actually make difference. In other words, a guarantee would be nice, but I know that's not the world we live in. I am just sick of the sickness and want to change. I want to permanently get rid of it
In other matters, I am staying pretty strict with the Renegade nutrition plan. I'm use to the intermittent fasting now. I checked my macros yesterday just to see where they were and I need to up my protein. Also, I'm going to start going even heavier with my training starting next week. This week is my bodyweight/lightweight week. I've been aiming for sets of 5, but now I'm gonna aim for sets of 3.
And it's official that I'm gonna join the company my friend told me about later this week. Once I'm in, that'll be the main focus for a bit.
