Question for Shannon About AM/SM

[Shannon]

Ok, that makes sense. To be honest, I don't know where to begin. I'm not needy, I know that. I hardly see women as worth my time except for sex. Maybe that's it? And then there's the social overtones such as small talk that I employ to get sex. Where I'd rather just be f*cking them, I "have" to do the whole small talk spiel, makes interacting with women after the intial approach a chore and tiresome.

Do you have any suggestions on how to figure out what my issues are? Especially since I have so little experience save for approaching. I'd really appreciate it.

I've heard of books like "Mode One" where the guy advocates being brutally honest with women, telling them flat out what he wants to do with/to them in the first few minutes (The author, Alan Roger Currie, also says he himself HATES small talk, so I know it's not just me) . I see this as perhaps my ultimate state of being. Yet there is tremendous fear/guilt/shame involved in that, and I can't see myself being that way without at least being able to defend myself physically lol.

If I understand correctly, you are asking me for advice on how to be more successful with women. I see very clearly here in what you say that your problems stem secondarily from considering them objects, and primarily from whatever triggered that point of view.

Women are not objects. They are people, just like you, but they have lady parts instead of man parts. Not aliens - people. I've said this before.

The sooner you understand the point I am about to make, the faster you'll be enjoying the warm embrace of a woman's sex: To get access to a woman's vagina, you need to give her what she responds to with vaginal sex. First understand that she has feelings, just like you do. The only sort of female you're going to get access to without understanding that point is a useless one. She may have a vagina and give you access to her vagina, but she will be severely damaged and she will likely make your life miserable in the process. Women who are not severely damaged have to consider themselves and their feelings. They have value outside of their vaginas, and they know it. Any man who does not understand that is going to fail with them before he gets out of the gate. If all you want is pussy, consider hiring a professional. Healthy women won't look twice at a man who considers them a vagina on legs.

Second, understand that you are damaging yourself by having sex without having any sort of connection with your lover. Fucking for the sake of fucking and coming is a purely animal activity which damages humans because humans have a more developed self, and that includes an emotional self. Not all humans have the same degree of connection to their emotions, or their body. Some are almost completely unaware of their emotions, but even they suffer by having sex for the sake of sex, without some sort of connection. It does not have to be the end-all, be-all, but it does have to be some sort of connection and hold some sort of value and meaning. Even friends with benefits has the connection of being friends, and mutually seeking satisfaction gives a certain level of respect and connection, even if in that circumstance it is typically low.

Women will typically reserve sex for those who she loves, or, if she is less aware/mature, those who display the characteristics that trigger sufficient arousal in her. If all you want is sex, then you really have only two options. A professional, or a numbers game, which consists of randomly approaching women you find attractive until one says yes. You can expect 1-2 percent of the population to say yes if you approach reasonably attractive women in a direct manner and you are reasonably good looking. I have observed this myself. Expect to be punched, kicked, slapped, told off and have boyfriends and men who see you do it go after you. But, depending on her social value, your social value, her age, state of sobriety and the location, you will get a yes about 1-2% of the time just because she's horny and you made it easy.

I can tell you from watching this method in action, if you are not very good at controlling the variables, you will find that no pussy is worth the hassle this method takes to get it.

Therefore I recommend you try to do the following.

1. Consider your self image. Do you think of yourself as an object? Do you have feelings? Can you connect to them? Cultivate a self image of being a person, who has feelings, and cultivate your connection to your emotions. The "men never cry" and "men don't have feelings" bullshit is just that. Real men are healthy men, and healthy men have, accept and own their feelings. You don't necessarily have to cry, but you do have to be aware of your own emotions, and learn to respect them and treat yourself with consideration instead of hurting yourself.

2. Do the same concerning women. Consider and understand your view concerning women. Do you view them as a necessary evil, to be dealt with and tolerated until such time as they spread their legs and allow insemination? Or do you understand that she has feelings and emotions and needs, and gets hurt and bleeds just like you do?

Women may be the most sensitive beings on the planet. They can smell a man who hates women a mile away, and they can smell men who objectify women a mile away. I have a friend (who you remind me of A LOT, for a number of parallels between the two of you - not just your difficulty achieving sex) who spent at least the last decade whining and bitching about never getting enough sex. It was all stemming from his emotional abuse at the hands of his mother and sister, and it made him hate women. Women responded by avoiding him. I kept telling him over and over that not all women are like his mother and sister, but he refused to understand. The only thing that ended up changing his dry spell was meeting a woman who was completely irrational, who decided to get pregnant by him. Now they're tied by a child, and he gets all the sex he wants (last I checked). I haven't heard from him in a while, since the kid was born, but I guarantee you he's not father material and I guarantee you he's going to be miserable no matter how much sex she gives him. He never took the time to heal his own emotional damage before knocking this girl up, and now he's damaging himself, her and their daughter is going to be one hot mess, I can promise you.

You sound like you objectify women. If you want nothing but vagina, also consider a sex toy. They make some synthetic vaginas that I hear are pretty realistic. If you want the real thing, pay for it or change your point of view so that women are no longer vaginas on legs. I cannot say I recommend paying for it, not only because that is generally illegal, but because it is only perpetuating damage to the woman as well as yourself.

Why do you view women that way? The answer to that question is going to be key in solving this issue.