04-21-2015, 03:28 PM
Stage 2 Day 29 - 11 hrs
I noticed today that if I think a girl is hotter than about a 7 to me then I shy away from them, thinking that I'm going to bother them by just even looking at them. I think that this stems back to a really old self worth issue that AM started chipping away at. I want to flesh out the statement that i made on my last update when I said that I just found out that I don't touch people. I dwelled on it for a couple days and I noticed/ discovered/ remembered that I shy away from human touch. I had a female friend who I've already messed around with! tell me that she has continuously thought that I hated her because I never touched her and when she touched me I all but dove away. I thought back and I'm pretty sure this is typical. Very surreal for sure!
Realized I'm the safe guy. Even if I'm with a girl consistantly. I'm always on time (unless I plan to be late). I don't appreciate hostility or violence (funny because I was army once upon a time) i think that someone that yells isn't in control of themselves. I would say that I have missed out on a lot of life because I'm overly disciplined. I find it really difficult to let loose. Even when I was a teen it was the same. There was always a threat, an angle on everyone in the room, distance to exits, alternates.. I feel like sometimes I'm a sleeper agent or at the least a wannabee spy in my past life or some such. But I digress. I was always safe. Didn't escalate. Wouldn't let you come onto me if you were drunk, etc. Not sure how to aid the sub or whether I should sit back and let the sub do it's thing. That's it for now
I noticed today that if I think a girl is hotter than about a 7 to me then I shy away from them, thinking that I'm going to bother them by just even looking at them. I think that this stems back to a really old self worth issue that AM started chipping away at. I want to flesh out the statement that i made on my last update when I said that I just found out that I don't touch people. I dwelled on it for a couple days and I noticed/ discovered/ remembered that I shy away from human touch. I had a female friend who I've already messed around with! tell me that she has continuously thought that I hated her because I never touched her and when she touched me I all but dove away. I thought back and I'm pretty sure this is typical. Very surreal for sure!
Realized I'm the safe guy. Even if I'm with a girl consistantly. I'm always on time (unless I plan to be late). I don't appreciate hostility or violence (funny because I was army once upon a time) i think that someone that yells isn't in control of themselves. I would say that I have missed out on a lot of life because I'm overly disciplined. I find it really difficult to let loose. Even when I was a teen it was the same. There was always a threat, an angle on everyone in the room, distance to exits, alternates.. I feel like sometimes I'm a sleeper agent or at the least a wannabee spy in my past life or some such. But I digress. I was always safe. Didn't escalate. Wouldn't let you come onto me if you were drunk, etc. Not sure how to aid the sub or whether I should sit back and let the sub do it's thing. That's it for now
