04-19-2015, 03:56 PM
Day 27 - 11 hrs
As I'm less than a week from finishing stage two I keep thinking that if I had done just one more run of AM I would be trending toward more positive results. Mainly because I'm noticing a lot of things that have been driving people away. With that said, my friends that are close have been getting closer as I'm willing to admit to myself that they are important in my life and thus am letting them know me better.
If masks and misdirection when people were getting to know you was a degree I would have a PHD. Not functioning with my disguises is kind of disturbing.. Who am I kidding if I didn't have so much work in OGSF then I would be scared $#!+less. I'm currently reading Models in trying to understand everything. This has led to something that I have come to believe about others and myself. Experts in theory and useless in practical.. know every single body language cue, all the approaches or at least the reactions that people (most commonly women) have to most situations. Meanwhile.. get a woman alone and try to connect with her in a non-sexual way and they are/ I am about as useless as a leg-less man at an ass kicking contest. Everything is about escalation, domination, and superficial connection. Long enough to get in, get off and, get out. Shallow garbage I say. Everyone that I have known that is a natural is a connector with EVERYONE. They have many guy/girl friends AND they have lots of sex. This is all because they are trusted, consistent and stable. Back to the sub.
It has made me more emotional, intuitive, sympathetic, and of course it has given me the ability to communicate more with my eyes which I totally love! My desire to have ran AM more comes from the insecurities that WM has brought up. A lot of self-worth issues. Thoughts about my lack of meaningful friendships, and deep connection with people. Kinda a little apprehensive about stage 3 as that is apparently the "emotional" Stage. Bahaha I'm going to sob all next month. Whatever.. Just gotta stay the course
As I'm less than a week from finishing stage two I keep thinking that if I had done just one more run of AM I would be trending toward more positive results. Mainly because I'm noticing a lot of things that have been driving people away. With that said, my friends that are close have been getting closer as I'm willing to admit to myself that they are important in my life and thus am letting them know me better.
If masks and misdirection when people were getting to know you was a degree I would have a PHD. Not functioning with my disguises is kind of disturbing.. Who am I kidding if I didn't have so much work in OGSF then I would be scared $#!+less. I'm currently reading Models in trying to understand everything. This has led to something that I have come to believe about others and myself. Experts in theory and useless in practical.. know every single body language cue, all the approaches or at least the reactions that people (most commonly women) have to most situations. Meanwhile.. get a woman alone and try to connect with her in a non-sexual way and they are/ I am about as useless as a leg-less man at an ass kicking contest. Everything is about escalation, domination, and superficial connection. Long enough to get in, get off and, get out. Shallow garbage I say. Everyone that I have known that is a natural is a connector with EVERYONE. They have many guy/girl friends AND they have lots of sex. This is all because they are trusted, consistent and stable. Back to the sub.
It has made me more emotional, intuitive, sympathetic, and of course it has given me the ability to communicate more with my eyes which I totally love! My desire to have ran AM more comes from the insecurities that WM has brought up. A lot of self-worth issues. Thoughts about my lack of meaningful friendships, and deep connection with people. Kinda a little apprehensive about stage 3 as that is apparently the "emotional" Stage. Bahaha I'm going to sob all next month. Whatever.. Just gotta stay the course
