Seduction Wars- Episode 1 (Women Magnet)(Complete)(Update)

[DarthXedonias]

Stage 4, Day 27

Only a few days left until stage 5, in the mean while the internal changes continue. I actually had something major happen like 2 days ago. It first started a few days ago while I was walking home. I had a PTSD flash back of certain time when I got mistreated. For whatever reason I got very angry soon afterwards and stayed that way for a couple of days. It made me feel frustrated and weighed down most of the time. That is until one day I decided call my Dad to tell him I was moving over to Houston to stay with him for a bit. For background information, I would say my Dad is like the Alpha 1.0 mentioned in Caleb Jone's book. He is OK when he gets his way but once people go against his wishes he loses it. Anyway, he started going on a rant of how well hes doing compared to my mother, how it isn't good that I stay with her, and how I should have listened to him and instead of her on whether I should have leaved the navy or not. That last part especially hit a nerve because he was definitely talking out of his @ss at that point. My mother is still insecure and bossy but she now knows better than to show any of that around me. Ever since I've completed AM6 she has just left me alone, while at the same time she still treats my Beta stepfather like complete crap (He sleeps on the couch pretty much every night).

Anyway, right after my father said that, something snapped in me. I told him in a flat, serious, angry tone the real reason I left the navy early (Which didn't have anything to do with my mother). After that My heart was racing and I barely spoke for the rest of the conversation. Anyway, after I hanged up I just had this anger but it was different from before. I still felt angry but this anger felt "freeing" in someway. Something about standing up to my father just broke something in me and my IDGAF attitude has risen to a new level. Its like I really don't give a XXXX about anyone else and I get angry when I perceive someone trying to control me. Also, I got a boost in trying to do stuff that is productive and improve my life. Within the last few days I have bought the Alpha 2.0 book, a biography on Julius Caesar, a Biography on Caesar Augustus, a biography on Alexander the great, and decided to continue reading a biography on Napoleon that I currently have.I'm also going to start reading the John D Rockefeller book I have. I've also just given up playing FFXIV online. The only game I play now (occasionally) is Dead or Alive 5: Last round.

Either way, I now feel a lot more free now. Funny thing is, I can't even remember what the memory was that started all the anger in the first place. The other thing is that after the phone call I'm definitely not moving to Houston anymore. I don't want to be living with someone whose going to try to control me and pester me to make decisions about "my life" in accordance with "their" wishes. I'm probably going to just stay in SF area and work for one semester and sign up for University here when the filling period comes. Another thing that this incident has changed is my neediness went even further down. I look back at how I use to have getting a woman as my motivating factor in life with disgust now. I can't believe how many years I wasted trying to get a woman because I bought idea that society tries to push on men that they are "incomplete" without a woman and that they should feel "lonely" if they don't have anyone. Years of my life wasted because of societal programming. At this point, If a woman isn't high value and at my level, I'm not interested. Of course this all makes the AYP sub idea viable now since I will be staying in the same area.

Social wise, i'm very much comfortable in social situations, though at the same time I still don't care either way. Still nothing woman wise though. Though I am still noticing woman in my classes, that might have been sitting rows away from me, now sitting in seats right next to me out of no where. Its very weird in my opinion.