03-23-2015, 12:33 AM
Stage 4, Day 16
Well, wanted to give a update because things have changed (for the better) since last update and today is my birthday. So, I have a lot to contemplate for today. Anyway, Thankfully the resistance I was having last time has now disappeared and I'm in a very, very joyful mood nowadays. I'm noticing that I'm actually finding beauty in a lot of different women again now. Its like I will find at least one good characteristic about them now. The only time I seem to discount any woman is if she has a horrible attitude, doesn't take care of herself physically, or has a negative outlook on men (more on that later). I'm also noticing that the sexual stamina i mentioned in my previous post is getting stronger. Before if I fapped, I would be drained sexually completely. I wouldn't even be able to stay in the mood. Now I can stay in that mood at will if I wanted to.
The last few days have been filled with a lot of contemplation (which I believe is due to the sub) and the fact that I turned 27 today makes me think about where I want to go in life and analyze if I'm doing what I can to best get there. This stage has really put this "all consuming fire" in me to become stronger and to be honest, I really am not thinking about women all that often these days. Sure, like I said, I notice the more beautiful ones but even then Its like my mind can only think of them as short term prospects. I think its because with the beautiful women I meet, I want to seduce them just to prove to "myself" that I can have any woman I want. So, it has less to do with the actual woman than to prove I can do what I believe I can do. I think I had mentioned in my AM6 journal about how more and more I can only see anything long term with a woman I would get with a AYP sub. I think my mind has logically deduced that its better to have "perfection" than to settle for just anyone just because they have a pretty face and a nice body. Of course, like I said, women have become a much lower priority than myself now. I just have this "obsession" with becoming stronger now and strengthening my mind. Its like I hunger for when I will be able to run EPHRA, LTU, and AM6. I believe this is because I want to be that man that walks in the room and automatically gets respect from men and attraction from women. I man who has Lots of strengths but very few Weaknesses. One of my more specific goals, on the way to reaching that state, is to totally be rid of my PTSD. AM6 reduced my PTSD significantly (probably by about 50%) but there is still some remnants left. I'm hoping my EPHRA run will be the nail in the coffin.
Other than the obsession with becoming stronger, my peaceful and calm demeanor is back thankfully. That's in direct contrast to how I felt stage 3 made me a emotional wreck in some regards. I just don't like not being in control of my mental "faculties" and having things like fear and Anxiety run me. I've lived most of my life like that and have no desire to revisit those days. On the manifestation front, I haven't noticed much. I'm still noticing in class more and more women choosing to sit around me. In one of my classes, there is one girl who has initiated conversation with me about 4 times now out of no where. Whether shes interested or not, I quite honestly don't really care.
In other news, I had to meet up with my "female acquaintance" that I have been cutting off contact with for the past few months ever since her feminist rant the last time. Only reason I met up with her is because she had something of mines that I needed back. The meet up made me more convince to just stay away from this woman because she is so mind controlled its not even funny. The thing that really pissed me off was when we got to talking about cos-play. She wanted to know if it was bad that she just wasn't as interested in Thor cos-players because they aren't as hot as the real thing (Chris Hemsworth). After thinking about it, I said it wasn't and was about to explain that it was like when guys get turned off when women who are over weight cos-play in something that is way too small and skimpy for them. Of course, I never got to finish my sentence because when she realized what I was about to say she said something to the affect of , "don't you finish that sentence". After hearing that I totally just kinda of shut her out and encouraged her, indirectly, to leave early afterwards. I'm sorry, Female double standards don't work with me and I hate hypocrites. As of now, She is not welcomed in my home and I have no interest in meeting up with her anymore unless there's a very good reason to. What makes this even annoying to me is when these same type of women act this way and then don't "understand" why men don't want to be anywhere near them unless they are totally beta and desperate. Very attractive women (8+) might be able to get away with acting like that (depending on the man) but a 6 and below acting that way is just asking to remain single for the rest of their lives.
Other than that, not much is going on at the moment. I'm expecting better results in stage 5 since I've read in other journals that stage 5 seems to just have something in it that just makes everything else in the program "click" in to place. I'm also still considering what to do about my College situation. Whether to Stay in San Francisco or Move to Houston. I'm thinking about just applying to both Universities and see what happens. Til then.....
May the Force be with you.......
Well, wanted to give a update because things have changed (for the better) since last update and today is my birthday. So, I have a lot to contemplate for today. Anyway, Thankfully the resistance I was having last time has now disappeared and I'm in a very, very joyful mood nowadays. I'm noticing that I'm actually finding beauty in a lot of different women again now. Its like I will find at least one good characteristic about them now. The only time I seem to discount any woman is if she has a horrible attitude, doesn't take care of herself physically, or has a negative outlook on men (more on that later). I'm also noticing that the sexual stamina i mentioned in my previous post is getting stronger. Before if I fapped, I would be drained sexually completely. I wouldn't even be able to stay in the mood. Now I can stay in that mood at will if I wanted to.
The last few days have been filled with a lot of contemplation (which I believe is due to the sub) and the fact that I turned 27 today makes me think about where I want to go in life and analyze if I'm doing what I can to best get there. This stage has really put this "all consuming fire" in me to become stronger and to be honest, I really am not thinking about women all that often these days. Sure, like I said, I notice the more beautiful ones but even then Its like my mind can only think of them as short term prospects. I think its because with the beautiful women I meet, I want to seduce them just to prove to "myself" that I can have any woman I want. So, it has less to do with the actual woman than to prove I can do what I believe I can do. I think I had mentioned in my AM6 journal about how more and more I can only see anything long term with a woman I would get with a AYP sub. I think my mind has logically deduced that its better to have "perfection" than to settle for just anyone just because they have a pretty face and a nice body. Of course, like I said, women have become a much lower priority than myself now. I just have this "obsession" with becoming stronger now and strengthening my mind. Its like I hunger for when I will be able to run EPHRA, LTU, and AM6. I believe this is because I want to be that man that walks in the room and automatically gets respect from men and attraction from women. I man who has Lots of strengths but very few Weaknesses. One of my more specific goals, on the way to reaching that state, is to totally be rid of my PTSD. AM6 reduced my PTSD significantly (probably by about 50%) but there is still some remnants left. I'm hoping my EPHRA run will be the nail in the coffin.
Other than the obsession with becoming stronger, my peaceful and calm demeanor is back thankfully. That's in direct contrast to how I felt stage 3 made me a emotional wreck in some regards. I just don't like not being in control of my mental "faculties" and having things like fear and Anxiety run me. I've lived most of my life like that and have no desire to revisit those days. On the manifestation front, I haven't noticed much. I'm still noticing in class more and more women choosing to sit around me. In one of my classes, there is one girl who has initiated conversation with me about 4 times now out of no where. Whether shes interested or not, I quite honestly don't really care.
In other news, I had to meet up with my "female acquaintance" that I have been cutting off contact with for the past few months ever since her feminist rant the last time. Only reason I met up with her is because she had something of mines that I needed back. The meet up made me more convince to just stay away from this woman because she is so mind controlled its not even funny. The thing that really pissed me off was when we got to talking about cos-play. She wanted to know if it was bad that she just wasn't as interested in Thor cos-players because they aren't as hot as the real thing (Chris Hemsworth). After thinking about it, I said it wasn't and was about to explain that it was like when guys get turned off when women who are over weight cos-play in something that is way too small and skimpy for them. Of course, I never got to finish my sentence because when she realized what I was about to say she said something to the affect of , "don't you finish that sentence". After hearing that I totally just kinda of shut her out and encouraged her, indirectly, to leave early afterwards. I'm sorry, Female double standards don't work with me and I hate hypocrites. As of now, She is not welcomed in my home and I have no interest in meeting up with her anymore unless there's a very good reason to. What makes this even annoying to me is when these same type of women act this way and then don't "understand" why men don't want to be anywhere near them unless they are totally beta and desperate. Very attractive women (8+) might be able to get away with acting like that (depending on the man) but a 6 and below acting that way is just asking to remain single for the rest of their lives.
Other than that, not much is going on at the moment. I'm expecting better results in stage 5 since I've read in other journals that stage 5 seems to just have something in it that just makes everything else in the program "click" in to place. I'm also still considering what to do about my College situation. Whether to Stay in San Francisco or Move to Houston. I'm thinking about just applying to both Universities and see what happens. Til then.....
May the Force be with you.......
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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