12-12-2014, 01:36 PM
Sigh... I'm back with another embarrassing issue to report.
The money issue did not return, so no problems with that one. But now I have this new one... it wasn't immediately identifiable, it built up gradually over 2 weeks or so, but I do feel it's unsafe... for the people around me...
I have recently (probably 2 weeks ago, and it builds up stronger from there) become a walking time bomb, full of frustrations to unleash... on the people around me. I don't seem to be pleased at all by the things that they do, especially "stupid" (that's subjective) things. I find that I classify a lot more things as "stupid" now. I get impatient easily and frustrated easily. Whether or not I "unleash" my frustrations verbally (in anger), it is immediately written all over my body (language) and face.
The bad (again, subjective) part about it is, I don't feel bad about it! I feel that I am entitled to be frustrated, and sometimes I unleash it on the unsuspecting subjects who performed those "stupid" acts. To them, they probably see me saying "Oh come on, wise up! I command you to stop being stupid and don't make this mistake again!"
I don't feel bad about it, but I know that it isn't healthy... I'm destroying the goodwill I have with the people I work with and live with. Sometimes (or even most times) I find myself jumping to conclusions and it turned out that I was wrong or misinterpreted them (much later... too late to take back my frustrations)
I hope Shannon can shine some light on this... is this a phase? Resistance? Is this the true me? (that's very very scary) Why or how could I be so intolerant, so inconsiderate toward others feelings? As I understand, it's supposed to be safe... but why am I attempting to create fear in people to try and get my way (even though I know it isn't really working, and it definitely isn't ethical!)
I want to highlight that this isn't (wasn't) my normal behaviour. I was not like that... in fact I despised such behaviour (I always felt and thought that it was wrong), and even corrected others (in a subtle, patient way) when their intentions are good but their actions backfire on them.
I have given this thought, tried to extract myself out of those destructive emotions, but when it is happening (the "stupid" things), I find my anger and frustrations just naturally build up, I feel like I'm entitled to feel that way. AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
I am at a loss what I wish to ask of Shannon... I don't know whether to call for help, or seek to understand what's going on (I don't know if it can help my current situation). All I know is, this is horrible! I wasn't like this before! Where did that go? What the hell happened???
The money issue did not return, so no problems with that one. But now I have this new one... it wasn't immediately identifiable, it built up gradually over 2 weeks or so, but I do feel it's unsafe... for the people around me...
I have recently (probably 2 weeks ago, and it builds up stronger from there) become a walking time bomb, full of frustrations to unleash... on the people around me. I don't seem to be pleased at all by the things that they do, especially "stupid" (that's subjective) things. I find that I classify a lot more things as "stupid" now. I get impatient easily and frustrated easily. Whether or not I "unleash" my frustrations verbally (in anger), it is immediately written all over my body (language) and face.
The bad (again, subjective) part about it is, I don't feel bad about it! I feel that I am entitled to be frustrated, and sometimes I unleash it on the unsuspecting subjects who performed those "stupid" acts. To them, they probably see me saying "Oh come on, wise up! I command you to stop being stupid and don't make this mistake again!"
I don't feel bad about it, but I know that it isn't healthy... I'm destroying the goodwill I have with the people I work with and live with. Sometimes (or even most times) I find myself jumping to conclusions and it turned out that I was wrong or misinterpreted them (much later... too late to take back my frustrations)
I hope Shannon can shine some light on this... is this a phase? Resistance? Is this the true me? (that's very very scary) Why or how could I be so intolerant, so inconsiderate toward others feelings? As I understand, it's supposed to be safe... but why am I attempting to create fear in people to try and get my way (even though I know it isn't really working, and it definitely isn't ethical!)
I want to highlight that this isn't (wasn't) my normal behaviour. I was not like that... in fact I despised such behaviour (I always felt and thought that it was wrong), and even corrected others (in a subtle, patient way) when their intentions are good but their actions backfire on them.
I have given this thought, tried to extract myself out of those destructive emotions, but when it is happening (the "stupid" things), I find my anger and frustrations just naturally build up, I feel like I'm entitled to feel that way. AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
I am at a loss what I wish to ask of Shannon... I don't know whether to call for help, or seek to understand what's going on (I don't know if it can help my current situation). All I know is, this is horrible! I wasn't like this before! Where did that go? What the hell happened???
