12-12-2014, 04:11 AM
for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I was not happy all the time, I had mood swings and I had moments where I felt really depressed.
I always thought it was something to do with me, as if there was just so many negative beliefs that it all just kept me feeling down.
I always thought that if I could just feel happy, that everything will sort it's self out.
I now realize the reasons I am not happy, is because I am not living the life that I want. I do not like my situation, I do not like living at home with my parents, I do not like being married, I do not like having enough money to pay my bills, I do not like not having enough money to move out.
I do not like commitments that I do not like, and I do not actually want to do.
This is why I decided for the first time in my life, that I want to get outside help, because I want to change my life, I want to change all of it, but I know I need help because I have not done very well up to this point so far.
It as all become so clear in a way, but if I could somehow move out and have my own place, I would feel at least 80% better.
It's going to be tough, a lot of people wont like what I will do, I will feel guilt, I will feel fear, I maybe even question my sanity or wonder if what I am doing is authentic but I have to do this, for my future self's sake.
I have no choice, I want my own life, I want to go and live my own life, be the main guy in my own movie, not live in someones else's movie.
There is fear there, because this is all I have known, but I am 26 years old, If I never leave the nest soon, I may be trapped forever.
I always thought it was something to do with me, as if there was just so many negative beliefs that it all just kept me feeling down.
I always thought that if I could just feel happy, that everything will sort it's self out.
I now realize the reasons I am not happy, is because I am not living the life that I want. I do not like my situation, I do not like living at home with my parents, I do not like being married, I do not like having enough money to pay my bills, I do not like not having enough money to move out.
I do not like commitments that I do not like, and I do not actually want to do.
This is why I decided for the first time in my life, that I want to get outside help, because I want to change my life, I want to change all of it, but I know I need help because I have not done very well up to this point so far.
It as all become so clear in a way, but if I could somehow move out and have my own place, I would feel at least 80% better.
It's going to be tough, a lot of people wont like what I will do, I will feel guilt, I will feel fear, I maybe even question my sanity or wonder if what I am doing is authentic but I have to do this, for my future self's sake.
I have no choice, I want my own life, I want to go and live my own life, be the main guy in my own movie, not live in someones else's movie.
There is fear there, because this is all I have known, but I am 26 years old, If I never leave the nest soon, I may be trapped forever.
