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+--- Thread: Perceptions of understanding (/Thread-Perceptions-of-understanding)
Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 10-10-2014
Hello people,
I have had a long break from subs 3-4 months.
I have learn't some things, that I would share.
- My whole depression, frustration was from the continual subliminal use, of never ending resistance.
In my break, I became a peaceful, non reactive person most of the time, I was more nicer to my family and loved ones and everyone treated me better, mainly because I was nicer and I felt better.
I can go into a lot of detail, but I kind of want to get straight to the point.
Only about 5 days ago I decided to start using the Alpha 5.0 refresher, to see how it would effect me (Experimenting to understand)
My dreams became more vivid
My brain felt it had been having workouts at night
I felt I needed more sleep
and I really feel that I have gone back in time to when I was using it before, as in I am more pissed off and I am seeing all the bullshit everywhere and I am speaking my mind about the bullshit that to be honest I don't need to speak up about and I should not react to.
Which I do not like, because the bullshit is everywhere but I have come to understand that I don't need to react to it and I am really feeling it, as in these subliminal work, feeling it.
I don't want to be like this though and it puts me off Alpha in general, because all the other times I have ran through it in the past, I stayed like that and it's only when I stopped the subliminals that I was at peace.
The reason for me to use it was because I would be able to see the difference straight away how it would effect me and I could notice how it was changing my thoughts and feelings, which I have. I know this feeling, I have experienced this feeling for many years of running Alpha.
I was sceptic, yes because of all the years running them and I noticed no positive changes, just continued resistance, especially as I never had any breaks in between subs.
Now I am being really truthful, there is a very weird feeling I have got from running this Refresher so far and it does bring back memories of running alpha numerous times before, but its a negative, unpleasant feeling, one which I do not like and nor do I want to be like.
It's like a dark cloud. I can feel it bringing back my ego, as in it wants me to feed my ego and do things and go towards things which society has put in place, which I disagree with and I do not want to be apart of it.
Without writing a book, there is many things I am talking about here and it would take too long to go into at this moment but I don't agree with having to act a certain way, or do something to get something..etc.
As in I am going to do what I want because myself wants to do it, not for any one else, not to get something or to get approval or anything, that repulses me.
I am really anti seeking approval, the word repulsed is the only thing that enters my mind, that does it justice.
I am open to hearing different points of view and taking what I want from it, but if it stinks of me having to act a certain way to 'fit' into society's definition of what is successful, what is in fashion, what is the best haircut, what is the best stupid Fad, what is the sexiest look or some other BS then, I will just say F you.
Because where I am at it's like, who decided that what is in fashion, IS in fashion? It was some people right? So what makes them right? It just pisses me off to be honest. Everyone is following along with all what these other people have created and everyone defines certain things on that. I am not just talking about fashion, thats an example.
Anyway, my point is before I started refresher, I understood this and I was at peace with it you know and I decided I will just adapt my own way to go with my own principals, morals, beliefs, because I live in this reality, so the only thing I can do is adapt, but for myself, instead of living my society's standards..etc bla bla bla
Now though, Alpha refresher is bringing it all back and I am just even more pissed off about it all again, as if I am starting NEW again. I was over it and all fine and dandy, but alpha is making me pissed of at it again, why? What does it serve?
Now, I understand boundaries and setting your own and, being respected and calling BS on that, but I sorted that all out, pretty much every person I come in contact with is respectful, polite, nice to me....BUT now it is me that is not, no one is doing anything to me, I just feel this bullshit detector in everything, I am being really consciously aware of this don't get me wrong, I am not disrespecting anyone, but I feel it building up.
I don't want to be a jerk or ass hole, because I don't need to be. I believe what you put out, that is what you get back..etc.
Also, it has made me super serious, people have just started calling me it out of the blue, it is no coincidence!
I feel it in my face, I feel serious and as if I don't take no shit, kind of feeling.
Now, I have been through alpha 3-4 times previously, since 2010. So, I know it don't go from my experience, only when I stop the subs, which I now know through experience.
All I wanted was a bit of a all in one to give me a bit of oooomth to my stride, get things done, go after my goals more kind of thing. I just don't want to become an Asshole, the vibe that Alpha gives me, I personally don't believe in this way of life.
I really know what alpha is doing to me, I can feel it like day and night, I can feel it and see it through my own eyes, it is very obvious to me.
Don't get me wrong I am all cool, I just want to understand it all from different points view, so I can see where I want to go with all this.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SargeMaximus - 10-10-2014
Seems to me you're coming to terms with reality lol.
I've made this realization (and I'm sure you will too if you keep trying to get what you want), and it's this:
You can't always get what you want... lol, jk.
It's this: In order to get what you WANT to get, you have to be what gets that.
This is the simplest truth and when it comes to women, I see guys always stating the fact without ever acting on it: "Girls just go for JERKS!" and they say it like the universe should suddenly change so that girls go for guys like them. Talk about f*cked up mentality. Truth is, if girls go for jerks, BE A F*CKING JERK THEN or accept that you simply can't do it.
There is no in between. You can't be nice and be alpha, can't be light but be dark, can't be positive but be negative, can't be up but down.
The greatest thing you can ever do (and, believe it or not, it's your Ego that resists this stuff, not this stuff resulting from the ego) is to grow up and take a good hard look at the world. Observe as an ego-less monk would.
see girls with jerks? What would an ego-less monk say? "Why can't they like nice guys like me?!" or would he say "Ah... girls like jerks."
One is an emotional tantrum, the other is seeing things as they are.
Now, you can be either, but you can't be both. So choose.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - Shannon - 10-10-2014
If you are running Alpha and you're getting upset, its because you're not there yet. Getting upset is a result of a conflict between what you are and what the program is trying to get you to achieve. The upset is a good motivator to make a change. But if you resist the change hard enough, sure, you can stay put and the result will be a lot of upset, without much gain.
So I would say you realistically have two options to consider if you want that to change. First, you can consider running a sub that will help overcome the resistance itself, such as EPRHA or LTU, and second, you can run AM6, which is miles ahead of AM5 for power and what it can do. I think in your case, EHPRA or LTU would be a better choice for a while, and then you can assess your situation and decide what you would like to do.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - smoothsam - 10-10-2014
(10-10-2014, 04:13 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Seems to me you're coming to terms with reality lol.
I've made this realization (and I'm sure you will too if you keep trying to get what you want), and it's this:
You can't always get what you want... lol, jk.
It's this: In order to get what you WANT to get, you have to be what gets that.
This is the simplest truth and when it comes to women, I see guys always stating the fact without ever acting on it: "Girls just go for JERKS!" and they say it like the universe should suddenly change so that girls go for guys like them. Talk about f*cked up mentality. Truth is, if girls go for jerks, BE A F*CKING JERK THEN or accept that you simply can't do it.
There is no in between. You can't be nice and be alpha, can't be light but be dark, can't be positive but be negative, can't be up but down.
The greatest thing you can ever do (and, believe it or not, it's your Ego that resists this stuff, not this stuff resulting from the ego) is to grow up and take a good hard look at the world. Observe as an ego-less monk would.
see girls with jerks? What would an ego-less monk say? "Why can't they like nice guys like me?!" or would he say "Ah... girls like jerks."
One is an emotional tantrum, the other is seeing things as they are.
Now, you can be either, but you can't be both. So choose.
Is it possible be nice one moment and not so nice the next? You are who you are. The only constant is change. You will get as far as you accept and allow yourself to be and go.
-Sam
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SargeMaximus - 10-11-2014
(10-10-2014, 07:18 PM)smoothsam Wrote: Is it possible be nice one moment and not so nice the next? You are who you are. The only constant is change. You will get as far as you accept and allow yourself to be and go.
-Sam
Ah, intelligence! lol. Yes you're right, I've thought of this myself recently. In fact, being a nice guy one minute and jerk the next is sure to get women hooked because you're not a monotone.
My point was, however, that resisting the obvious by means of temper tantrums hardly helps your situation, and is, in fact, very immature. The first step is acceptance, then you can choose.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - swisston - 10-11-2014
Run EPRHA for a month or three, then re-run AM from the start. It really does sound like you have a lot of stuck negativity in there somewhere. Good luck
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 10-11-2014
Thanks guys.
Well, I am happily married to my wife and have been for the last 3 years, so I am not doing this to get chicks. I just want to improve myself and be my best version. I want to be more on the Zen side.
I personally don't believe in needing to be a jerk to get girls, not quality ones anyway, but each to their own.
Yeah, I am thinking EPRHA will be good for me, I will give that a good run.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - Tao374 - 10-11-2014
(10-11-2014, 01:10 AM)SuperCoolDude Wrote: Thanks guys.
Well, I am happily married to my wife and have been for the last 3 years, so I am not doing this to get chicks. I just want to improve myself and be my best version. I want to be more on the Zen side.
I personally don't believe in needing to be a jerk to get girls, not quality ones anyway, but each to their own.
Yeah, I am thinking EPRHA will be good for me, I will give that a good run.
Yea SuperCool if you want to be more Zen like I would also recommend EPRHA, it's what I'm using right now and it has helped me to both overcome resistance and be more Zen like.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 10-13-2014
I enjoy listening to EPRHA at night my dreams are nice, vivid and meaningful. One thing I have noticed is that certain negative comments, criticisms and put downs are coming into my conscious awareness and being remembered, from many many years ago as I go about my daily life.
It will be nice to clear all this negative stuff out and let go of the past, because the past does not exist, it is really only imagination in my mind. All that I have and that really truly matters is my NOW.
How do I want to feel now?
...Peaceful
...Appreciation
...Oneness
...All is well
...Things are going well for me
...Things are getting better and better for me
...I am happy that I am aware of what I know now and I am consciously aware of my now, from now
...I enjoy being in the present moment now, and aware of all that is going well and the natural beauty of nature outside my window, nature not needing to try, not needing to get anything, or be anything other then just being and letting everything else take care of its self and just flow naturally
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 12-10-2014
It will be 4 weeks of usage every night this Saturday.
I have been having soooo many dreams in one night, I wake up feeling like I have been living other life's!...I tell you what, it makes up for all the adventures I am lacking in my awake reality.
I only mainly listen whilst I am asleep but there is days I listen in the day, but it brings up a lot of anxiety around my heart area, very consistent in nature, even if I am not worried about anything.
I now know when I feel the resistance, I know the feeling now and I know EPRHA is working on something and it will pass eventually.
Lately I just wish I could run away and start a new life from scratch. New everything.
My dreams taunt me, by living amazing adventures, amazing experiences, with amazing angelic like people, where I experience no negativity, no judgement of myself nor others, no self criticism, nor criticism of others. Just perfect worlds and I am going about living it, experiencing it, loving it....
I then wake up... and I realize my life is not like that and I wish my life could be like my dreams.... it hurts, you know.
To know so much beauty in my dreams and then wake up, it sucks ass.
My emotions are like a yo yo, what gives me hope is this sub clearing out the garbage that prevents me being and living the life I want. If I did not have fears, guilt's and regrets that stop me, maybe I could move towards that. I want to move towards that awesome feelings I experience in my dreams... I don't know why my dreams treat me like that....
At least I look forward to going a sleep at night.
I want a new life, everything. But at the same time, I have regrets of the past that I left for the present I want to now change.
I have been looking for types of careers I could go and do, I wish there was one where I could just get up and go, live on a ship..etc.
I tried army, royal marines..etc when I was younger but medical history prevented me from joining, I a glad in one way, because I don't believe in certain this about all that, but the feeling of being able to join something, get full training, get paid and not have to spend money on things that I don't need, which would just build up and pay for all my debts.
I want to be free, I don't want limitations, or debts, or restrictions. I have learned from my mistakes of the past and I would not get my self into debt ever again, nor make commitments out of fear, insecurity, immaturity. I have learned my lesson, I understand.
Please I would do anything to feel that free like in my dreams, in my awake life.
I have hope things will change and I can't wait to see how things change from 6 months to 1 year of EPRHA.
I want to be free, I want to have no limitations or restrictions, I want to be independent, mature and emotional healthy, I want to be the person that I want to be and live the life that I want to live, free from fear, or guilt, or regret.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 12-11-2014
Booked my first ever session with a life coach, for next week.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 12-12-2014
for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I was not happy all the time, I had mood swings and I had moments where I felt really depressed.
I always thought it was something to do with me, as if there was just so many negative beliefs that it all just kept me feeling down.
I always thought that if I could just feel happy, that everything will sort it's self out.
I now realize the reasons I am not happy, is because I am not living the life that I want. I do not like my situation, I do not like living at home with my parents, I do not like being married, I do not like having enough money to pay my bills, I do not like not having enough money to move out.
I do not like commitments that I do not like, and I do not actually want to do.
This is why I decided for the first time in my life, that I want to get outside help, because I want to change my life, I want to change all of it, but I know I need help because I have not done very well up to this point so far.
It as all become so clear in a way, but if I could somehow move out and have my own place, I would feel at least 80% better.
It's going to be tough, a lot of people wont like what I will do, I will feel guilt, I will feel fear, I maybe even question my sanity or wonder if what I am doing is authentic but I have to do this, for my future self's sake.
I have no choice, I want my own life, I want to go and live my own life, be the main guy in my own movie, not live in someones else's movie.
There is fear there, because this is all I have known, but I am 26 years old, If I never leave the nest soon, I may be trapped forever.
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SargeMaximus - 12-12-2014
This is totally resonating with me. First, I hate having to depend on a job for my income, the commitment there is adversarial to say the least. I also left my previous job with my uncle because I didn't want to get trapped either, but it's a cruel world out there, getting some help is definitely a good idea.
One thing to clarify: are you really married and living with your parents?
RE: Perceptions of understanding - SuperCoolDude - 12-13-2014
Yes I am married and yes we are living with my parents....and my older brother and 2 dogs and some fish lol.
I had a talk with my wife and we do actually mutually feel the same way, we agreed to make 2015 a year for change.
My wife works in the city and she can move to the city to save a lot of time and money on train fare, with her friends in a shared renting.
And I will do the same once I sort a new career/job out, but I am not going to move to the city. I want to move out, depending where my new job is and get a shared renting place. This allows me to most importantly move out, be independent. The most important thing for me.
Me and my wife both agreed we are more like really good friends then a proper married couple.