11-10-2014, 11:26 PM
Stage 5 summary:
I honestly don't remember what I went through in detail in this stage. This stage was the most depressing, and feeling of inadequacies and realizations of low self worth I've had. It made me aware of them all, and I thought about how I should change/address them. So much subconscious things going at work in this stage. I went back to video gaming so much in this stage that I think it was me trying to avoid the subconscios stuff coming up to my conscious cause I resist stress as much as possible. I could say that this stage just brought out alot. It was up to me to deal with them, and instead of dealing with them directly I avoided them, however I've kept them as a reminder for change, so hopefully stage 6 helps me with that.
My sex drive is low, hooking up with chicks doesn't feel like a must. Going for the hotness of a chick isn't my biggest drive anymore. It's still a factor I consider, but I expect more now. Such as ACTUALLY a caring girl, supportive, respectful, and loving. More so I'm looking for respect in this stage from chicks, If I don't see it, I'll think "Meh whatever, I'm not gonna waste my time on that chick" even though I still find them hot and would bang em if it came to be. It's just the effort isn't as strong.
Like for example, this hot chick in one of my classes started talking to me in the elevator about the midterms we had, and it was all cool and what not. I found myself following her or trying to talk to her more as we got off and started distancing off. I noticed myself being needy for her attention. Then a few weeks later (I didn't really attend this class as much as I should) I saw her studying with this smart kid, she has this kid by the balls. Really beta guy. In my eyes, I see her using him for his smartness. I don't think he really sees it, or even if he did, doesn't care because is surrounded by this hot chick. Anyways, I went up to them for the intent on some help with a specific homework question and as soon as she found out my intent was not to give her attention but to find help from either her or the smart kid, she kinda ignored my presence and directed the smart kid to her homework by pointing at her comp and talking about a question. When I saw that all I could think of was "WTF THIS CHICK IS FUCKING RUDE, I"M OUT OF HERE" and I said thx to the smart kid and left. I started thinking about it and was like "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE LIKE THAT, LIKE YOU COULD ATLEAST HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, OR SAY YOU'RE REALLY BUSY AND CAN"T HELP" I thought it over and over. I told myself, she most likely has some beliefs, and these beliefs are strong beliefs/values. I said, she either has someone who gave her advice about who to make friends with, the saying goes "If you surround yourself with smart people, you will be smart" or other sayings around those lines. So she chose to surround herself with the smart kid, and when she noticed me trying to take some of that help or thing away from her, her only thought of protecting that was to avoid anymore communication with me, so that I would naturally leave. I then that, well wtf, she's lacking respect by letting me know she's busy or even humour by jokingly saying, k you can't have him, he's helping me!" or something along those lines. In my head I was like, what would have happened if I confronted her and said, "Wow that was rude, you don't just turn look away and direct your friend to your homework while we we're just talking, you atleast say, hey we're busy right now" but then I was like do I really need that drama, or is it EVEN DRAMA, will it help me become a better me....ahh these thoughts. At this point of the stage MORE ASC would have been perfect.
I honestly don't remember what I went through in detail in this stage. This stage was the most depressing, and feeling of inadequacies and realizations of low self worth I've had. It made me aware of them all, and I thought about how I should change/address them. So much subconscious things going at work in this stage. I went back to video gaming so much in this stage that I think it was me trying to avoid the subconscios stuff coming up to my conscious cause I resist stress as much as possible. I could say that this stage just brought out alot. It was up to me to deal with them, and instead of dealing with them directly I avoided them, however I've kept them as a reminder for change, so hopefully stage 6 helps me with that.
My sex drive is low, hooking up with chicks doesn't feel like a must. Going for the hotness of a chick isn't my biggest drive anymore. It's still a factor I consider, but I expect more now. Such as ACTUALLY a caring girl, supportive, respectful, and loving. More so I'm looking for respect in this stage from chicks, If I don't see it, I'll think "Meh whatever, I'm not gonna waste my time on that chick" even though I still find them hot and would bang em if it came to be. It's just the effort isn't as strong.
Like for example, this hot chick in one of my classes started talking to me in the elevator about the midterms we had, and it was all cool and what not. I found myself following her or trying to talk to her more as we got off and started distancing off. I noticed myself being needy for her attention. Then a few weeks later (I didn't really attend this class as much as I should) I saw her studying with this smart kid, she has this kid by the balls. Really beta guy. In my eyes, I see her using him for his smartness. I don't think he really sees it, or even if he did, doesn't care because is surrounded by this hot chick. Anyways, I went up to them for the intent on some help with a specific homework question and as soon as she found out my intent was not to give her attention but to find help from either her or the smart kid, she kinda ignored my presence and directed the smart kid to her homework by pointing at her comp and talking about a question. When I saw that all I could think of was "WTF THIS CHICK IS FUCKING RUDE, I"M OUT OF HERE" and I said thx to the smart kid and left. I started thinking about it and was like "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE LIKE THAT, LIKE YOU COULD ATLEAST HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, OR SAY YOU'RE REALLY BUSY AND CAN"T HELP" I thought it over and over. I told myself, she most likely has some beliefs, and these beliefs are strong beliefs/values. I said, she either has someone who gave her advice about who to make friends with, the saying goes "If you surround yourself with smart people, you will be smart" or other sayings around those lines. So she chose to surround herself with the smart kid, and when she noticed me trying to take some of that help or thing away from her, her only thought of protecting that was to avoid anymore communication with me, so that I would naturally leave. I then that, well wtf, she's lacking respect by letting me know she's busy or even humour by jokingly saying, k you can't have him, he's helping me!" or something along those lines. In my head I was like, what would have happened if I confronted her and said, "Wow that was rude, you don't just turn look away and direct your friend to your homework while we we're just talking, you atleast say, hey we're busy right now" but then I was like do I really need that drama, or is it EVEN DRAMA, will it help me become a better me....ahh these thoughts. At this point of the stage MORE ASC would have been perfect.
