10-17-2014, 10:59 PM
Stage 4, Day 26
Well, my day went rather well until... well, let's recap.
Got driven back by my parents and that was all laughs and tralalas.
I had a meet planned with the girl from the train; she introduced herself, she asked for my number, she planned a meet. I assumed she was dtf; apparently not. This encounter has shown my that I'm still needy for sex, and it unearthed a heap of bitterness towards the manipulation in man-woman relationships.
It had me wanting to "play the game", and inflict whatever anger I was feeling from this woman towards other girls; basically fuck em and dump em, and fuck their feelings. Thankfully, I know better, and took care of most of those feelings with PSTEC. Plus, I really don't want to do that.
She comes to my place and turns down my advances. It's not the rejection, it's more that she kept hanging around after rejecting me a few times in a row; it gave the wrong impression. if she just said; "If we're not right for each other, maybe I should go", I would totally respect that. Then, she goes on about how "If I wanted a hookup, I could use Tinder and just say yes to one of the 20 guys who asked me this week".
Kept telling me how smart and mature she was for not wanting a hookup, and that she's "not like that".
Then, I chose to walk her to the bus station (because, believe it or not, I still don't want her to be eaten alive by wild dingos), and everything she said really annoyed me.
Anyways, I told her straight up while walking back that I was feeling anger towards her, and that most of it probably isn't even justified. Boy, was I pissed. I mentally encouraged her to sit on a fire hydrant.
It took 2 Accelerators and 2 Level 1 tracks to get me much more calm, and there's still a bit left. Will fEFT the rest. So she doesn't have to sit on that fire hydrant anymore. But fuck you (you know who you are).
Well, my day went rather well until... well, let's recap.
Got driven back by my parents and that was all laughs and tralalas.
I had a meet planned with the girl from the train; she introduced herself, she asked for my number, she planned a meet. I assumed she was dtf; apparently not. This encounter has shown my that I'm still needy for sex, and it unearthed a heap of bitterness towards the manipulation in man-woman relationships.
It had me wanting to "play the game", and inflict whatever anger I was feeling from this woman towards other girls; basically fuck em and dump em, and fuck their feelings. Thankfully, I know better, and took care of most of those feelings with PSTEC. Plus, I really don't want to do that.
She comes to my place and turns down my advances. It's not the rejection, it's more that she kept hanging around after rejecting me a few times in a row; it gave the wrong impression. if she just said; "If we're not right for each other, maybe I should go", I would totally respect that. Then, she goes on about how "If I wanted a hookup, I could use Tinder and just say yes to one of the 20 guys who asked me this week".
Kept telling me how smart and mature she was for not wanting a hookup, and that she's "not like that".
Then, I chose to walk her to the bus station (because, believe it or not, I still don't want her to be eaten alive by wild dingos), and everything she said really annoyed me.
Anyways, I told her straight up while walking back that I was feeling anger towards her, and that most of it probably isn't even justified. Boy, was I pissed. I mentally encouraged her to sit on a fire hydrant.
It took 2 Accelerators and 2 Level 1 tracks to get me much more calm, and there's still a bit left. Will fEFT the rest. So she doesn't have to sit on that fire hydrant anymore. But fuck you (you know who you are).
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
