The Modern Libertine's diary

[Cortez]

Again, I will say that this is a rough stage, but it seems to be working through a lot of deep rooted issues and that is good. I know feel driven to take care of problems and not give myself the satisfaction of any kind of reward until I do take care of said problems. I want to succeed in all of my endeavors more than ever before and I feel as if I really can do anything I put my to which is not something I've felt in the past. That's mainly because of my family, stomping any ambition I've ever had and telling why things are bad and gonna get worse, but I'm not mad at them for it. They were operating on auto pilot and they are also slowly pulling themselves out of their despair and of course, as I always have felt the need to do, I help them in any way I can.

One thing lately that has been absolutely hilarious to me is the sheer abundance of women that I have found thrown in my path. I met one recently and we immediately had that connection. She asked me what I was doing for New Years and I said "Nothing yet, why did you have something in mind?" and she started giggling and turned red. I told her to find something fun for us to do and let me know, but nothing like a dive bar or anything like that. I wanted something classy that we had to dress up for. So a few days later she calls me and tells me that she found a masquerade ball to go to. I'm heading to that tonight with her, it should be ridiculous. I'll take some good pictures. Other than her, there's just been a lot of women throwing themselves at me lately, whether it be outwardly asking me to do stuff or being really feminine and passive about it. I'm getting very good at the eye game and it happens every where I go. The alpha set has definitely increased my presence with women. I had another amazing experience with this girl at the supermarket yesterday, that one will be interesting to pursue in the future.

There is a small conflict , though. While I do attract women like crazy, I absolutely despise dates. I want them to come over to my house, preferably with wine and then we can watch a movie and do whatever...or not, but I'm not a fan of pretense, there is either intense passion or not at all with me. I don't like to draw things out. Traditional dates drive me nuts, and most of the time I'd rather do nothing at all than go on one, unless it was something that I was already going out to do or wanted to do anyway, then she can come along. I find myself being more and more honest with girls. I like for them to decide if they hate me or love me right of the bat, so I just tell them what I'm all about. I'm just not the boyfriend type right now, and that's not even saying that I may ever be. I tell them that I will only promise them today because that's all I have to give. I really don't like to commit to seeing a girl day in and day out, having her call me on the phone, wanting to know what I'm doing etc. So at the very least I can tell them who I am, hell, sometimes I have them fan The Modern Libertine facebook page before I even get to know them. If they don't back off in horror after that, then they must really like me, lol. Honesty is the best policy. Anyway, that's conflict, that I'm attracting a lot of girls, but I hate dating and enjoy my freedom more than anything. I don't think it's a huge conflict really. I will just continue what I am doing and refine it from there. At least I'm being honest with these girls.