12-24-2010, 02:45 PM
Hey Jackie thanks for the support. I'm definitely prone to focus more on the negative instead of the positive. I try as much as I can to just give myself praise and remind myself I truly am a good person. It's tough sometimes and I demand more out of myself than I'm actually capable of keeping up with.
Not being serious all the time is something I'm trying to work on. When I'm at home I'm relaxed and I'm just myself. Lately I've been trying to keep that openness in the outside world and its tough because I feel very vulnerable. When my fight or flight response kicks in I feel like I have to defend myself and I tend to pull myself inward and really keep to myself. But right now thats what I'm trying to change.
I'm almost positive I have a deep rooted fear of rejection. It's not really about what they think of me, its my irrational reactions to events sometimes. It's like when a bad thing happens and I'm really embarrassed or upset it just keeps playing in my head over and over. In the past I tried to ignore it and just say to myself to let it go. But now I just forgive myself and say that its ok because I tend to really put myself down without even realizing it. But it's like that one event that happens can cause me to spiral down into a depression and thats mostly what I'm afraid of.
I realized recently too that I'm not even that comfortable around some of my friends. Over the years I've just learned to mask it very well and everyone doesn't notice. But it still bothers me because I tend to close myself off from them if I'm not feeling confident enough.
I think I will start keeping a journal. I'll try to focus on the positive things I do, no matter how small, and write them down.
Not being serious all the time is something I'm trying to work on. When I'm at home I'm relaxed and I'm just myself. Lately I've been trying to keep that openness in the outside world and its tough because I feel very vulnerable. When my fight or flight response kicks in I feel like I have to defend myself and I tend to pull myself inward and really keep to myself. But right now thats what I'm trying to change.
I'm almost positive I have a deep rooted fear of rejection. It's not really about what they think of me, its my irrational reactions to events sometimes. It's like when a bad thing happens and I'm really embarrassed or upset it just keeps playing in my head over and over. In the past I tried to ignore it and just say to myself to let it go. But now I just forgive myself and say that its ok because I tend to really put myself down without even realizing it. But it's like that one event that happens can cause me to spiral down into a depression and thats mostly what I'm afraid of.
I realized recently too that I'm not even that comfortable around some of my friends. Over the years I've just learned to mask it very well and everyone doesn't notice. But it still bothers me because I tend to close myself off from them if I'm not feeling confident enough.
I think I will start keeping a journal. I'll try to focus on the positive things I do, no matter how small, and write them down.
