Day 36: Thing seem to be going on the same low state. I am starting to think that even if EPRHA is good at bringing up all the negative emotions, I don't currently have what it takes to move on from that. I'm not really sure what I want to do to make things better.
I wonder if EPRHA has some sort of a release script in it that hasn't set in yet. I mean I can feel all the depression, anxiety and stuff but they keep floating there endlessly.
That's all for now.
EDIT: what kind of bothers me is that I read in someone's post something like "we are all just reprogrammable biomachines". And I have thought about it before. It is so easy to program yourself to be more in a certain way if you have the right tools and it kind of changes the "scientific mambo jumbo" about how you are programmed as a kid, you will stay forever or what we get in the gene lottery is what determines the way we will fit in the society. I got to say that I don't have the best genes, but I also don't want this to determine how successful I will be in life and by success I don't just mean financial wealth. I want to make a difference and create something, not to be someone who can provide a service, get paid for the hours I've provided that service and then use the money to survive.
That is one of the reasons why I am not too sure about AM+SM combo. Yes I do want to have a good social life, surrounded by women and feeling like James Bond (writing that sentence made me forget where I was going with this), but I also want to create a business to benefit someone else in some way and thus make someone's life better.
Although I can't see all of this too clearly yet and it won't be easy to put the wheels in motion, it's something I wrote without thinking twice, it was like intuition based writing really. The downside is that this is only an idea, I have struggled with this idea without knowing how to make it happen or even find it in me to do it. It's like all my motivation and energy resources have been depleted or have just vanished, I can't even pick up a book and start reading.
I wonder if EPRHA has some sort of a release script in it that hasn't set in yet. I mean I can feel all the depression, anxiety and stuff but they keep floating there endlessly.
That's all for now.
EDIT: what kind of bothers me is that I read in someone's post something like "we are all just reprogrammable biomachines". And I have thought about it before. It is so easy to program yourself to be more in a certain way if you have the right tools and it kind of changes the "scientific mambo jumbo" about how you are programmed as a kid, you will stay forever or what we get in the gene lottery is what determines the way we will fit in the society. I got to say that I don't have the best genes, but I also don't want this to determine how successful I will be in life and by success I don't just mean financial wealth. I want to make a difference and create something, not to be someone who can provide a service, get paid for the hours I've provided that service and then use the money to survive.
That is one of the reasons why I am not too sure about AM+SM combo. Yes I do want to have a good social life, surrounded by women and feeling like James Bond (writing that sentence made me forget where I was going with this), but I also want to create a business to benefit someone else in some way and thus make someone's life better.
Although I can't see all of this too clearly yet and it won't be easy to put the wheels in motion, it's something I wrote without thinking twice, it was like intuition based writing really. The downside is that this is only an idea, I have struggled with this idea without knowing how to make it happen or even find it in me to do it. It's like all my motivation and energy resources have been depleted or have just vanished, I can't even pick up a book and start reading.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
