Day 31 (missed a day otherwise it'd be 32): Came to realize something. I think I have completely lost being in touch with myself. I used to care so much for other people, now I feel so selfish and do things that hurt others. I don't do them on purpose but rather because I feel like everyone is trying to show themselves be superior to/using me in one way or another.
I can see more and more what's wrong with me, but EPRHA doesn't seem to help me take the necessary steps. I never knew how to stand up for myself besides being with passive attitude trying to laugh it off and then feel utterly insecure, now that has changed into a passive aggressive attitude.
I won't be staying on EPRHA for much longer, I think AM can help me way more with these problems. I did tell myself I'll be on eprha for a month and then reevaluate.
EPRHA has brought up so many things all of a sudden that they are overwhelming me. I know PSTEC sounds like something I should do, but there's something that's holding me back from doing that. There's this desperate urge to find something stimulating to do at all times, everything that's not is like dragging myself on the ground using one hand.
I think the reason it has been so tough for me is because I have way more baggage than I initially dared admitting myself. It all comes from repressing everything year after year, hiding in games and drugs (which I haven't done for 2 years now). The drug part I might not have mentioned before. All of this is a bit difficult to admit to myself, but it's essential for any future steps to be made.
I'm not sure where I will be in a year, heck I can't see where I will be in a month or even a week. At the moment I don't care much, all I want to do is to escape.
I will keep listening to the sub for now and then suddenly purchase AM when I get paid. Oh yes, I quit yesterday.
I'm feeling very negative past year and a bit more ( I don't even want to read my own posts) and I think it's time to start changing that. LTU might produce faster results toward positivity, but if AM6 does the same, there's no point delaying the inevitable.
A last word would be that I think EPRHA has peeled off a lot of false images and masks and it's a bit terrifying to see all the negativity within. I have been told that I'm negative even when I thought I had been the most positive in my life. Which can only mean that I tried too hard to look positive all the time, but actually wasn't. I guess I've realized that before because I always thought of myself as an amazing actor in real life and kind of the reason why I would be a good actor in the business too, never really said it out loud though.
I can see more and more what's wrong with me, but EPRHA doesn't seem to help me take the necessary steps. I never knew how to stand up for myself besides being with passive attitude trying to laugh it off and then feel utterly insecure, now that has changed into a passive aggressive attitude.
I won't be staying on EPRHA for much longer, I think AM can help me way more with these problems. I did tell myself I'll be on eprha for a month and then reevaluate.
EPRHA has brought up so many things all of a sudden that they are overwhelming me. I know PSTEC sounds like something I should do, but there's something that's holding me back from doing that. There's this desperate urge to find something stimulating to do at all times, everything that's not is like dragging myself on the ground using one hand.
I think the reason it has been so tough for me is because I have way more baggage than I initially dared admitting myself. It all comes from repressing everything year after year, hiding in games and drugs (which I haven't done for 2 years now). The drug part I might not have mentioned before. All of this is a bit difficult to admit to myself, but it's essential for any future steps to be made.
I'm not sure where I will be in a year, heck I can't see where I will be in a month or even a week. At the moment I don't care much, all I want to do is to escape.
I will keep listening to the sub for now and then suddenly purchase AM when I get paid. Oh yes, I quit yesterday.
I'm feeling very negative past year and a bit more ( I don't even want to read my own posts) and I think it's time to start changing that. LTU might produce faster results toward positivity, but if AM6 does the same, there's no point delaying the inevitable.
A last word would be that I think EPRHA has peeled off a lot of false images and masks and it's a bit terrifying to see all the negativity within. I have been told that I'm negative even when I thought I had been the most positive in my life. Which can only mean that I tried too hard to look positive all the time, but actually wasn't. I guess I've realized that before because I always thought of myself as an amazing actor in real life and kind of the reason why I would be a good actor in the business too, never really said it out loud though.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
