07-13-2014, 02:24 AM
day 23: So much change has been happening that I woke up in the middle of the night and felt so emotional, I tried tapping as much as I can but eventually I let myself go without tapping and I started crying. I believe I was crying because I grew up without my dad or mom and relied on my aunt and grandma as someone who can save me if people were bothering me or I needed their support. They would be there for me when other kids or even adults were bothering me or picking on me. I never realized this till now and I'm just crying. I feel so weak to them that as a adult they can take advantage of me and I'd have no power..At the same time I tell myself why would they take advantage of me when they love me. The feeling of power and loss of power feels like it's linked to them. Either I have to realize that I can't just have power and control of everything in my life and that I have to give permission for people like my aunt or grandmother power and control over me because I owe them that or I have to think of it as, I was a cocoon when they we're taking care of me and I've got out of that cocoon and it's time to use my wings to be free of everyone and everything and live in complete control of my life.
