Day 6: Feeling amazing, had this euphoric sensation at around lunch time for 10-20 min.
Everything seems to be going more peacefully, I did feel some resentment towards coworkers at some point but it dissipated rather quick. My resilience seems to be stronger, for example my boss likes to make fun of me sometimes saying some crap and I didn't respond or laugh and didn't feel anything towards the situation. Normally I would have laughed with that and then feel the hate inside burning up. I haven't slept much past 2 days and even with that I felt quite ok today, except the day was long and boring (4 hours yesterday, 5h 30 today).
I have found some deep fears surfacing, not in a way that I feel them strongly now, but I acknowledge they are there. Like fear of conflict, intimacy. Shame of having been of a certain religion and because of that still be virgin, shame of not being able to stand up for myself and trying to brush it off with passive aggressive attitude, or just pull on an angry face if I feel like I've been treated badly. I guess it's good to write those things down here so I can cut open the shell bit by bit and by the end of the sub, AM can install the roots deeper and stronger.
On one side I am so badly waiting to use AM6, on the other I'm curious of what EPRHA can do for me before hand. I guess the best thing is that it will lower the resistance and make OGF less rough of a ride in AM6.
In those past 6 days I haven't had any bad days yet like I've heard people report, maybe I'm just so used to the depressed fearful days that even the ones from this program feel better. Doesn't matter.
Everything seems to be going more peacefully, I did feel some resentment towards coworkers at some point but it dissipated rather quick. My resilience seems to be stronger, for example my boss likes to make fun of me sometimes saying some crap and I didn't respond or laugh and didn't feel anything towards the situation. Normally I would have laughed with that and then feel the hate inside burning up. I haven't slept much past 2 days and even with that I felt quite ok today, except the day was long and boring (4 hours yesterday, 5h 30 today).
I have found some deep fears surfacing, not in a way that I feel them strongly now, but I acknowledge they are there. Like fear of conflict, intimacy. Shame of having been of a certain religion and because of that still be virgin, shame of not being able to stand up for myself and trying to brush it off with passive aggressive attitude, or just pull on an angry face if I feel like I've been treated badly. I guess it's good to write those things down here so I can cut open the shell bit by bit and by the end of the sub, AM can install the roots deeper and stronger.
On one side I am so badly waiting to use AM6, on the other I'm curious of what EPRHA can do for me before hand. I guess the best thing is that it will lower the resistance and make OGF less rough of a ride in AM6.
In those past 6 days I haven't had any bad days yet like I've heard people report, maybe I'm just so used to the depressed fearful days that even the ones from this program feel better. Doesn't matter.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
