day 6-9
I feel like I have slipped back in the process of healing from the Break up for the last few days.
started to listening to audiobook about mindfulness, (the power of now) while doing certain tasks that doesn’t require much of thinking.
FINALLY found some motivation to clean my house
It's been complete mess since my trips abroad and the break up and finally its clean. It took me still about 3-4 hours to totally finish the cleaning and mentally it feels a lot better having less clutter around
Finding my self in a pool of a self pity
been re-reading emails and stuff my ex sent and the thoughts come up of that we will never be intimate again. And that's of course only leads me ending up feeling worse.
(I have to start doing the mindfulness when this happens)
new feelings of being angry to him and myself.
I feel angry to him leaving me like that, abandoning me. Like I meant nothing to him.
And what is worse is it's at the moment when finally I am ready to drop my guards and allow myself to fall in love and then I can't have it..
Then that is too much for him to handle and he just vanishes out of my life.
I feel angry towards myself to let myself fall for the wrong guy.
I don't know if this feelings comes as effect from the subs
perhaps some resistance or just my mind is still going through the grieving process?
I know it is not his fault that I feel this way and these feelings are not rational, I am responsible for my own feelings and Its a blessing it ended now but not some years later when it would have been even harder to let go.
But strangely I don't have that hard feelings towards him it's just like some annoyance I guess.
when we chat I find it annoying how he can always be like TOO NICE and mature/stable guy all the time with all that self dicipline and I find myself just ending up being weak in the moment and slip out some things to him,(like I miss him) that doesn't really help me at all.
I started to do some meditation before sleep and added some affirmation to it to let go all of this feelings for him. I believe it's working, at least it makes me feel a lot better
Trying to be more kind to myself but somehow it's hard. Feel like I should have known better.
Have to stop this self beating.
Anyway think despite all that I am overall more stable/ and in calm state in general and I look forward to see if some new improvements come along in the upcoming weeks.
If anyone has any advice on how to get rid of all this self pity/beating/angryness it would be appreciated!
until next time!
I feel like I have slipped back in the process of healing from the Break up for the last few days.
started to listening to audiobook about mindfulness, (the power of now) while doing certain tasks that doesn’t require much of thinking.
FINALLY found some motivation to clean my house
It's been complete mess since my trips abroad and the break up and finally its clean. It took me still about 3-4 hours to totally finish the cleaning and mentally it feels a lot better having less clutter around
Finding my self in a pool of a self pity
been re-reading emails and stuff my ex sent and the thoughts come up of that we will never be intimate again. And that's of course only leads me ending up feeling worse.
(I have to start doing the mindfulness when this happens)
new feelings of being angry to him and myself.
I feel angry to him leaving me like that, abandoning me. Like I meant nothing to him.
And what is worse is it's at the moment when finally I am ready to drop my guards and allow myself to fall in love and then I can't have it..
Then that is too much for him to handle and he just vanishes out of my life.
I feel angry towards myself to let myself fall for the wrong guy.
I don't know if this feelings comes as effect from the subs
perhaps some resistance or just my mind is still going through the grieving process?
I know it is not his fault that I feel this way and these feelings are not rational, I am responsible for my own feelings and Its a blessing it ended now but not some years later when it would have been even harder to let go.
But strangely I don't have that hard feelings towards him it's just like some annoyance I guess.
when we chat I find it annoying how he can always be like TOO NICE and mature/stable guy all the time with all that self dicipline and I find myself just ending up being weak in the moment and slip out some things to him,(like I miss him) that doesn't really help me at all.
I started to do some meditation before sleep and added some affirmation to it to let go all of this feelings for him. I believe it's working, at least it makes me feel a lot better
Trying to be more kind to myself but somehow it's hard. Feel like I should have known better.
Have to stop this self beating.
Anyway think despite all that I am overall more stable/ and in calm state in general and I look forward to see if some new improvements come along in the upcoming weeks.
If anyone has any advice on how to get rid of all this self pity/beating/angryness it would be appreciated!
until next time!
