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+--- Thread: Red_Panda's journey to heal (/Thread-Red-Panda-s-journey-to-heal)
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Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-01-2014
Hey everyone
I am new to this forum and decided to try EPRHA out. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I want to try this sub out in order to help me to heal as fast as possible. This journal will hopefully help me to get overview and see some Improvements in my feelings. I will try to post here at least once a week. Here are the things I noticed for the first 3 days.
Day 1-2
Slept with the subliminals on that night before, managed to sleep in one run from 23:30-7 and that hadn’t happened for days. The first 3 days after the break up I couldn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours until I woke up to cry and then sleep again to wake up crying again several hours later. That cycle went on 3-4 days in a row before the first day of the subliminals so I think I am seeing some improvements.
Dno if it is the subs or just my unconcious finally accepting this is over.
I felt more stable that day than the days before and less in pain. Still I zoned out and was distant at work and meetings.
Day 3
6 days from the break up and this is the best day so far. I Slept better this night, in one run also from 01:00- 8:30 but could have used more hours of sleep. will try to go early to bed tonight.
did not burst into tears as soon as I woke up as I used to do so I see some improvements here. I feel a lot better today
(no stress knot in my stomach and I don’t feel my heart ache as much.)
my appetite is slowly coming back finally. (I have only been able to eat one meal per day (average) for the last 5 days or so so this is definetely an improvement.
I still think about him constantly every minute of the day and it is driving me crazy. Still I am more accepting about the fact this is over and it wouldn’t have worked out with him still not able to fall in love with me or see a future for us together yet and me falling deeply in love. I am better off without it now than to find it out later and I KNOW i deserve better than that.
Funny how the pain can be exactly the same, even if we only dated for almost 6 months wich is not so long time. I feel like I am as heartbroken or even worse (because now I am the dumpee) as when I broke off 7 and 1/2 years long relationship with my ex 1 and a half year ago.
Went for a hour long walk with one of my good friend tonight. Amazing how little bit of exercise and good company can be really enjoyable and it helped me a lot to talk to him about my break up and also discussed a lot of other stuff. I came fresh and energized back home.
I have been struggling to find my passion in life (on work basis) and this winter I finally realized for sure (with help from hypnotherapy) that my passion is not really lying in the field I have been focusing on and studying for the last 5 years. That friend of mine I met tonight also happens to be a coach and he offered to take me to some coaching sessions (almost for free!!) so I can hopefully find out what I really want to do with my life.
I am really excited about that because I am 25 years old and still haven’t figured out what I really want to do with my life!
I see some light in the end of the tunnel
I finally feel calm and not stressed all day long! (it's really good feeling after feeling miserable for days)
I feel I am being more positive and I hope I can get over this hurtness as soon as possible.
until next time!
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-02-2014
one question I want to ask
Is it normal to feel so much better in only four days listening to EPRHA? I've been listening for 10 hr/average per day.
I don't feel exhausted listening to the subs, still it is harder to get up in the mornings.
But compared to when 3 months ago I started to listen to ASC but I had to quit one week into it because it made me so tired and I was on a really stressful/busy exams period at school.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - JackOfHearts - 07-02-2014
Might be the placebo effect in the beginning like this. Or 5G is so powerful
but no it's placebo I think.I felt that way in the first hour I listened to AM6.
Hopefully this kind of painful moment in life help us grow to our better self. And then we search for deeper meaning in our life. And finally this painful moment would be the best thing that ever happen to us.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-02-2014
Placebo or not, I am still very happy to not feel so miserable anymore. But time does probably heal something.
I hope you are right about the pain. It is Funny my friend and I where also discussing this yesterday d that painful moment when something just shifts inside you. That also happened to him when he broke up with his ex girlfriend and changed his direction in is life completely and started new things
.
I am starting to believe that I met this guy for a reason and maybe it was only ment for us to merge our lives together for that period of time and for him to teach me something really important (wich he did and I am really appreciative for) and follow me to the next stepping stone for something even greater in the journey of my life.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Shannon - 07-02-2014
Generally it is much harder to get a placebo effect on something like this because of the tendency for the emotional subconscious aspect of ourselves to be preoccupied with grieving instead of worrying about other things (like producing a placebo effect). This is why severely depressed people become lethargic and even unresponsive.
The program is extremely powerful. I don't know of any other subliminals producer who can claim results start showing up in hours or minutes, and not be getting placebo. My programs can do that, depending on the particulars of the program, personality involved and technologies in use. So it's normal to see results in just a few days with the more powerful programs.
I'm glad the program is helping you feel better.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-03-2014
(07-02-2014, 03:16 PM)Shannon Wrote: Generally it is much harder to get a placebo effect on something like this because of the tendency for the emotional subconscious aspect of ourselves to be preoccupied with grieving instead of worrying about other things (like producing a placebo effect). This is why severely depressed people become lethargic and even unresponsive.
The program is extremely powerful. I don't know of any other subliminals producer who can claim results start showing up in hours or minutes, and not be getting placebo. My programs can do that, depending on the particulars of the program, personality involved and technologies in use. So it's normal to see results in just a few days with the more powerful programs.
I'm glad the program is helping you feel better.
Thank you very much Shannon for your response and to allow people to try this program for free!
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-03-2014
Day 4
I woke up very tired. But feeling emotionally stable most of the day.
I realized I have some issues that I hope this subs will also help me to cope with.
I used to have a fear of failure and not beeing good enough related to perfectionisim and I think that is still affecting me. It used to be much worse in the past though.
In about 3 years ago when I started the journey of becoming a better me I have managed to minimize that self beating destructive thinking that was holding me back with help from Behavioural cocnitive therapy and some positive thinking and pyshcology. I also got ridden of stage fright.
Still today I think this negativity and being unkind to myself affects me a bit because I don’t allow myself too much to visualize and fantasise about the future and things I want to do because I am afraid it will fail and its better to not to have any expectations.
and there is also that my ex-ex boyfriend that I broke up with 1 and a half year ago said some nasty things that got under my skin and It still affects me today even if I know consiously that it is not true what he said.
and now when I am dealing with this break up and being rejected it doesn’t really help with that not being good enough feeling and I catch my self thinking negative thoughts about that maybe my ex was right and I’ll never be loved again.
I know that conciously is just a bullshit and I am good enough to be loved but somehow my unconcious is not kinda getting it.. Yet.
Day 5
I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Felt some unpleasant feelings in my body/leg right before falling asleep. woke up at 6 and was beetween sleeping and awakeness for 2 hours before I got up.
I Also had a lot of dreams that I went to meet my ex, I don’t really recall them clearly but I feel it was about more like for us to reconcile and be friends but not getting back together and surprisingly I was really much okay with that in my dream.
Currently I feel the need to want to stay friends with him and and to keep him in my life, even if we’d never get romantically involved again.
That has never happened to me before with ex’es but before I decide anything I am going to let things settle and get some distance and see what happens.
But despite all that I had a really good day today, (no sobbing or crying at all!)
I noticed that it didn’t affect me negatively when I heard a very emotional song that was about a break up in the radio. (It used to affect me)
Went to coaching session after work and it was amazing.
I have started the journey to find my passion
I felt confident, stressed, sceptical and all the cycle just in that one hour vizualising my goal.
I decided that I am going to keep going with my studies and finish my master in the field that I currently know is not my passion. I am going abroad as an exchange student in beginning of 2015- very exciting
the reason I want to stay in that field, at least to try it out is I want to see if there will be any difference to work in that field because I don’t have any working experience there and I don’t want to throw it all away in the trash can before I have really tried on myself what it is like. Hopefully I’ll enjoy it even more in the “real” world even if the theoritical methodology is not so appealing to me anymore.
I also found out that I don’t want to keep all of my eggs in the same basket if the first one fails. Hence the plan now is that I am going to find my passion outside that field and I know I am really interested and want to study something in my free time related to EFT, positive psycology and self improvement and I want to focus on that. Already found some books that I started to read tonight
Hopefully one day I will know enough about it so I’ll be able to have my own trainings and teach people the stuff I have been practicing.
that is my long term goal!
Soo nice to find a goal that I really like and I want to focus on.
Lot of things happening now and I am so happy about it
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-07-2014
day 6-9
I feel like I have slipped back in the process of healing from the Break up for the last few days.
started to listening to audiobook about mindfulness, (the power of now) while doing certain tasks that doesn’t require much of thinking.
FINALLY found some motivation to clean my house
It's been complete mess since my trips abroad and the break up and finally its clean. It took me still about 3-4 hours to totally finish the cleaning and mentally it feels a lot better having less clutter around
Finding my self in a pool of a self pity
been re-reading emails and stuff my ex sent and the thoughts come up of that we will never be intimate again. And that's of course only leads me ending up feeling worse.
(I have to start doing the mindfulness when this happens)
new feelings of being angry to him and myself.
I feel angry to him leaving me like that, abandoning me. Like I meant nothing to him.
And what is worse is it's at the moment when finally I am ready to drop my guards and allow myself to fall in love and then I can't have it..
Then that is too much for him to handle and he just vanishes out of my life.
I feel angry towards myself to let myself fall for the wrong guy.
I don't know if this feelings comes as effect from the subs
perhaps some resistance or just my mind is still going through the grieving process?
I know it is not his fault that I feel this way and these feelings are not rational, I am responsible for my own feelings and Its a blessing it ended now but not some years later when it would have been even harder to let go.
But strangely I don't have that hard feelings towards him it's just like some annoyance I guess.
when we chat I find it annoying how he can always be like TOO NICE and mature/stable guy all the time with all that self dicipline and I find myself just ending up being weak in the moment and slip out some things to him,(like I miss him) that doesn't really help me at all.
I started to do some meditation before sleep and added some affirmation to it to let go all of this feelings for him. I believe it's working, at least it makes me feel a lot better
Trying to be more kind to myself but somehow it's hard. Feel like I should have known better.
Have to stop this self beating.
Anyway think despite all that I am overall more stable/ and in calm state in general and I look forward to see if some new improvements come along in the upcoming weeks.
If anyone has any advice on how to get rid of all this self pity/beating/angryness it would be appreciated!
until next time!
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-08-2014
(07-07-2014, 09:28 PM)AlphaReal Wrote: One way to stop the self beating is to divert that energy in achieving goals. That way you use the energy the way you like it than the other way round.
Thank you for good advice I will try to do that. Think I have too much free time. Starting to make plans of how I can keep occupied and soak myself into new projects and work will probably help.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-08-2014
Had AHA moment today, I think I have found the cure to all of my problems!
how to release anger, sadness and all the negative feelings I have had for the last weeks.
I tried out the Fast EFT tapping technique Geodude posted here on this forum and it is amazing!
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-14-2014
Hi all
Last week has been interesting for me, after I had that enlightment about the tapping, I've been reading a lot about that-Faster EFT and I've and been tapping on a lot of negative feelings, and it is helping a lot.
I decided that I just want the tapping come into my life little by little, just let it come natural because I realized that it takes certain mindset to do the tapping and if I want to have this as a part of my life I need to take things slowly and not bite more than I can chew at a time.
So I've only been doing it when I feel really bad and it have helped tremendously.
For instance if I am feeling bad and to the verge of crying I can do some tapping immediately,( I go immediately to the bathroom or do mental tapping if I can't go anywhere) on that memory or feeling that triggered and my negative feelings reduce from intention on the scale of 7-8 to 3-4 and I prevent myself from crying and get to emotional at that point. I am pretty happy about that
I have also recognized a pattern in my mood.
If I have a really good day and feel great and think I am healed it usually just hits me the day after when I don't feel so good. I see it is like I am taking 2 steps forward and one back. I think I have to admit and settle to the fact that healing takes time and I just have to relax and allow it to be on it's own phase. I can't force anything.
I have been listening to this subs for 15 days now and there is another big change I can see.
I feel like I am more open about my feelings and needs and I express them to the people around me and I tell them if I dislike something immediately and refuse to be taken advantage of. That is big change for me and I am very happy about that shift. I also feel like I am indifferent in the terms of what people think about me. I simply don't care anymore!
It feels amazing. That's all I can say from now
until next time
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-20-2014
Hi there
last week was really good
a lot of new and good things happening!I went for a coaching session and changed my decisions about my career.
I've known for a while that the law field I've been studying is not my passion and I don't see myself working there in the future. I've known this but before I was to afraid to act on it but there in the coaching session I finally decided to change my career towards a new direction. quitting on my old path in Law school.
I realized I am just holding on something because I was afraid going for something new even if I knew I had lost all interest in it. I was just holding on that because I thought it would be smart to finish and blah blah secure income and save job .. all boring because I KNOW it wouldn't make me happy so I am leaving all the fear of the unknown behind and I actually I feel great about that! so much FREEDOM
I have some ideas about what I want to do instead. an interesting masters course in global connections is one option but nothing has been decided yet and that is just all right!
I have a save job until the summer ends and after that things will just figure out on its own!
I've never felt like that before. I have usually wanted to have everything planned and save and it has been very uncomfortable for me to not knowing what to do. But it's all different now.
I just feel the freedom and somehow feel like I am becoming more spiritual. Have the intuition that I am going to find my calling soon and it is a great feeling and something I can't describe but I just know there is something awesome going to happen!
I've been reading a lot about mindfulness and the book A new earth by Eckhart Tolle is just a rare diamond. That book just resonates with everything I've been thinking so far and it all makes so much sense to me!!
Sometimes I think that I'm going mad. I am trying to ground myself and not allow myself to fly too high in the sky.
I'm on a good terms with my ex and we are remaining good friends, have met twice since the BU and still it just feels good to talk to him.
Even if its not the same intimate relationship as we had it's good to have him as a friend and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't feel hurt or anything when we talk. He is good guy and I've never felt like that before that I wanted to stay friends with exes.
I dno if that's normal but I don't have any hopes for us to get back together or anything like that.
I mean I still have some feelings but that is normal I guess, can't shut down loving feelings that easily :/
But the most important is that I just feel at peace with myself and the situation unconciously and I feel like I don't want him back.
I want to be with someone that can love me deeply and is sure about his feelings and is ready to move mountains to be with me.
But finding love again is not a priority in my life now. I am just going to enjoy being single and free!
So far I think this subs are really helping me letting go of the past and I am so happy with that I tried it out. Feeling better day by day.
I think I will run this subs at least 32 days, been running it for 22 days now. maybe I'll go for 64 days as I feel that I don't have any resistance. But I'll be patient and see what happens.
I am wondering what subs to try out next...
maybe ASC, LTU or Alpha Female.
I wish they had 5g subs on the AF. Does anyone know when that will be released?
best wishes
Red_Panda
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 07-23-2014
Thank you Zyggy,
I've been reading your journal and I have to say it is very impressing. Good job you've been doing!
It empowers me, I realized I have to add some more of tapping into my life, haven't been doing it much lately. When I am about to do it I feel some resistance towards it like I am afraid to peel off the layers and find out about the core of my fears. Strange because I know it will only release it and make me feel better.
Forgot to mention that last time in my journal.
I had a situation last weekend at a party where a drunk aquintance of mine told me that one of my best friends that was btw there, had been talking behind my back and saying some stuff that she was getting very tired of me because of me feeling bad during my BU and all. I felt really bad immediately, it hitted me to the core. I've had a few drinks and didn't see that coming. But I didn't say anything, I just felt that this was all a lie what she said. (that aquintance even has a story of being a liar and she is feeling bad and tries to drag everyone down to her level. ) I know my friend and I know I would have noticed if she would be feeling like I was a burden or annoying to her. Then I just felt annoyed for the fact she was trying to ruin the relationship between my friend and me. But I just stayed calm. When the aquintance left suddenly my friends where asking what happened but. I even refused to make drama out of this and didn't want to tell them. But when one of my friends saw something was wrong and started hugging me and all then the tears came and I finally told them about this and of course this was all a bullshit what she said. I just didn't want to make drama out of a person that doesn't deserve it!
I know I have a fear of being talked behind my back and not fit into a group as I have experienced that once with a group of friends that I left for my own good couple years ago.
What I realized was that I was able to go on and party with my friends and have a good time without much drama. I distangled myself from that situation and listened to my instinct that this couldn't be true. Even after a few drinks where everything tends to get more dramatic. Pretty amazed by that
Been feeling very radiant today.
RE: Red_Panda's journey to heal - Red_Panda - 08-04-2014
Hi all
The last 10 days has been quite difficult for me for some reasons. Been listening to this subs for 36 days now and
I Feel like I have hit a wall or something and slipped back in my healing process. Been feeling quite emotional and sad most of the time.
I decided to reflect on it and came to the conclusion that I am nowhere to be over my ex. It has been hard for me to only stay as his friend mentally. I catch myself wanting to chat the way we used to talk and it's just makes me sad how distant it is now.
One thing that hasn't changed is that he is always so nice and sweet in our communication and it constantly reminds me of our relationship and how it was.
I miss him even more then and it doesn't matter if we are not seeing and being intimate. I still have those feelings and they aren't fading as much I would like to.
I was doing so good but I guess unfortunately healing takes time. It´s like being on a roller coaster ride. Some very good days and now period of bad days.
So I made a hard decision, forced myself to drop my coolness and sent him a letter and told him how I felt. Told him that I could not see any other option but that would be the best for me that we'd cut the contact until I've healed completely.
I Hope that he will understand and be open for a friendship after some time when I am ready.
I think its for the best as I am feeling now but it has been hard to not speak to him.
I hope it will take me from this compulsive thinking and pining about the end of the break up many times a day in my head. I can't drop it and I am so sick of thinking this way. Like my mind wants me to suffer.
I've been doing Mindfulness and it is helping and tapping too. Have to keep up that thing as it helps.
I have some new opportunities coming up connected to trainings and to introduce the stuff I've been learning so far. But somehow I have a fear of that I won't be good enough to do this.
This fear of not being good enough is just as a cloud over my head. I feel like I am not good enough in many aspects of my life. Like I was not good enough for my ex, he didn't love me so it must be true? I also feel like I am not good enough to do what I want to do.
I Hope ERPHA will take care of this soon. Been so sick of feeling this way. I know better and that I am as good as everyone else consiously. I just want to be happy. I know I deserve it.
So there is a lots of resistance for now. I have to find a way to connect to that energy frequency inside me where everything is possible. that is so good state of being.
Hope next week will be better for me. Hate feeling so hopeless.