Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

I find myself struggling this evening both with my emotions and with the let down over my business choice. I find myself torn between wanting to wait for him, and wanting to set myself free. He has still continued to ignore me and how i feel about things. He made the choices he thought were best for me and already the one regarding the business was wrong. He wont even consider he might be wrong this time. He wont listen to my side of things. As much as he has hurt me with leaving the way he did i still find myself so deeply in love with him. I poured my whole heart into things, and now i am doing what i need to in order to be strong, but on the inside i am devastated. I am pushing through the pain because i have no choice. I feel almost like a fool waiting for him to come back, but if i move on i am scared he will come back when i am taken. I dont know what to do, and i dont even know where he stands because he wont freaking answer me. Part of me is angry at him for taking away my choice in the matter. He didnt even leave me the option of friends. I almost regret everything because i lost his friendship too.i guess adding insult to injury is the fact he set me up for failure too wether he realizes it or not. I am $450 in the red with nothing to show except inventory that is moving so slow it cant Even pay for the diapers my kid wears. I am just stuck again, and i have the hard road of fixing it. It really sucks to walk down that road without your best friend at your side. Anyway i need to find some peace this evening before i get myself into trouble. I just really wish i had someone i could really talk to at the moment. :'(