Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 30: for some reason i keep waking up ridiculously early, but then again i crashed early last night too. I have come to the conclusion that the man i tried to talk to the other day doesnt really understand how im feeling at the moment or what im even asking of him. Maybe this miscommunication is part of the blockage on things. I think he sees me as trying to get him back romantically. Actually im not. I know the timing is completely wrong for it, and it would be disastrous to do so. What i wanted was to patch up the friendship that got broken when we got involved without paying attention to the timing. I know its going to be a rough time for him, but i wanted to be there to emotionally support him and lift him up. He thinks he has to endure it alone, but he doesn't. Even if you are strong it doesn't hurt to have support. I sat with him before at a doctor's office being supportive and wanted to continue to be there for him through this rough patch. All i expect is honesty. Tell me what im getting myself into and let me choose if i want to take that road or not. Dont decide my destiny for me. Even the rough road has its benefits sometimes. Besides, if everything else is going wrong whos to say you didnt make the wrong choice for me? I should be allowed to know and choose for myself. If i want to help you, let me stand next to you and be there for you. That doesn't make you weak. Thinking you dont need anyone is foolish and prideful. If you tell me that im likely to get hurt by walking with you through the fire and i choose to do it anyway thats my choice. If you tell me nothing and i walk into the fire then you took away my freedom to choose. I wish he would communicate with me. Explain things and let me make tge best choice for me. When someone is forced into doing something they hate without understanding the why behind it you get tremendous resistance. When a person understands why they can accept things even if they hate them. Especially if they can be convinced what they hate is best for them. True love isnt just about trying to keep someone from pain, its about being there for each other in the good times and the bad.

Here are a few quotes worth sharing:

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
Bob Marley

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
Jane Austen

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
Henri J.M. Nouwen

You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.
Nicholas Sparks

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.
Helen Keller

It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.
J.K. Rowling

All of those quotes seem to say what i feel better than i can this morning. I still need coffee and its 4:30 am lol. Anyway i hope you all enjoy the quotes. Maybe just maybe he will decide to talk to me, and clear up the misunderstandings. I certainly hope he does before he gets hit even harder by life. I can accept when i am wrong, and i can also forgive others. Ignoring me hurts far worse than telling me to f off. I still love him even as mad as he has made me. He is like a lover, a brother and a best friend all in one. I miss having him in my life. I wish i could have my best friend back even if we were only friends.