Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 20: i have now successfully figured out what i did wrong each of the times ive screwed up. Now i have identified it I can change it. Its fear of submission and fear of not being in control. I still find myself slipping back to the same thought patterns, but this time i am actively replacing them and consciously changing them and stopping myself when i find myself having thoughts about finding ways around the rules, about not being accepting and trusting of the way things are. On a conscious level i know that his timing has always been right, and his advice and reasons have always been right. I am currently working to stop my fears from controlling me and causing me to act in ways i shouldn't. I really wish i had his help in all this, but i know thats not possible. Part of the point of all this was for me to figure out things for myself. Its a rough road, and its this way because i missed the exit for the easier one. Perhaps at the next exit i can take a road thats less painful. The only way im going to get there though is to focus on wisdom and success. So anyway its off to another day at the park. Maybe today i will actually be able to talk to someone.

It's good you've found a behavioural trait of yours that was holding you back and have changed it to improve your daily life. Try listening to EPrha with headphones and notice the powerful changes and sensations it produces for you. Who do you mean by him? And how's the success with your sales job going?

Thanks

Fonzy

As far as who he is, he is the man that i love with all my heart. He is the man that i hurt because i was still immature and didn't figure things out fast enough. He is the one man that has had my heart in such a deep and profound way i don't think i could ever love anyone else again. He is the man that i would give anything to have in my life again. He has changed my life in amazing ways for the better. Because i screwed up several times i fear i have lost him forever. He is the most amazing man to ever walk into my life and i still beat myself up for not seeing the obvious sooner.

As for the sales job, its actually me starting my own business. As of the moment i am still trying to get things moving. I have redone pricing, photography, and descriptions etc but i feel i am still missing something. I have a grand total of 2 sales since starting about 2 weeks ago. I have been out trying to promote things, although im not seeing any fruits from those efforts yet. The one person who i would ask for help is the same man i lost, so im on my own. I just wish that one day ill be lucky enough to have him knocking on my door again.

Edit: when i was with him i felt anything was possible. His absolute confidence was contagious. When he helped me start my business i felt that $600 a month would be a cake walk, now im not even sure ill make enough for the bills this month. I wish i could feel that way again. That i could feel completely confident. He always corrected me when i was negative. He always pushed me to be better and more confident and i miss that. I really really wish he was by my side. I know that he is going to change the world, and i wish i could help him do it. I too want to make the world a better place.