Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

So here is my final thoughts for today (i think lol). I finally have found some balance and peace. My health is continuing to be cause for concern, and if it continues will leave me facing the challenge of finding a competent doctor that is close enough for me to get to who also takes my insurance. As for the emotional side of things i feel stable and at peace. I stil have regrets, some sadness and hopes, but they are all within "normal" ranges now. I think most of the major adjustments have been made now, and the rest is fine tuning. My fear of not being in control and fear of vulnerability are no longer present to the point i can notice them aside from extreme situations. I no longer feel any resistance with subs at all, and that certainly has me sleeping better too. I am finding though that i am on occasion pushing myself too far physically to the point where i am not sure if i am just fatigued from doing it, or if i am overdoing things to the point i am hurting myself. Either way i have gone from not getting out of the house at all to riding/walking for miles. I am alot more active physically. I no longer have a scale so im not sure how i stand in that area. Overall im not sure how much more major improvements i have left, but looking back i have come incredibly far. So anyway im going to try to get some rest for the evening and recuperate. Hopefully i can discipline myself enough to stay off the forums and rest, but i doubt it lol