Day 23: i find myself a bit confused emotionally. Im scared that in a few days ill have to make the call i dont want to make. I feel confused wondering if all the recent events that transpired were the result of an experiment. Im scared over my health. I really just wish i had a shoulder to cry on at least, but the person id want cant come. I find myself both becoming more stable and also at the same time far more sensitive. My resistance to subs is fading drastically. I find mysrlf being more and more ok with not being in control even if im scared. I wish i could ask for a little help and comfort to know whats up with my health, but im afraid of just making things worse. I know i need to let it play out and nothing is going to change the answer, so logically i just need to wait. The waiting scares me a little though.
On the bright side i am finding that i am starting to sleep normally again. I still feel close to him even though he isnt here with me, i know he must still love me because he sure has been watching out for me. It brings me small comfort, and i do hope that i see him again. Hopefully its for the right reasons when i do. I find myself no longer needing him in my life, but yet i still very much want him there. I find myself naturally giving myself to him even though i am under no obligation to do so, or need for it. I have come to know that i can do all the things i thought i needed others for. I am finally confident i dont need anyone but myself. I hope soon i can be with him not because i need to, but simply because i love him and want to be.
On the bright side i am finding that i am starting to sleep normally again. I still feel close to him even though he isnt here with me, i know he must still love me because he sure has been watching out for me. It brings me small comfort, and i do hope that i see him again. Hopefully its for the right reasons when i do. I find myself no longer needing him in my life, but yet i still very much want him there. I find myself naturally giving myself to him even though i am under no obligation to do so, or need for it. I have come to know that i can do all the things i thought i needed others for. I am finally confident i dont need anyone but myself. I hope soon i can be with him not because i need to, but simply because i love him and want to be.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
Thomas A. Edison
"Your life doesn't get better by chance it gets better by choice" Unknown
Listening to BASE 3G since July 2, 2014.
Thomas A. Edison
"Your life doesn't get better by chance it gets better by choice" Unknown
Listening to BASE 3G since July 2, 2014.
