Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 20: i have now successfully figured out what i did wrong each of the times ive screwed up. Now i have identified it I can change it. Its fear of submission and fear of not being in control. I still find myself slipping back to the same thought patterns, but this time i am actively replacing them and consciously changing them and stopping myself when i find myself having thoughts about finding ways around the rules, about not being accepting and trusting of the way things are. On a conscious level i know that his timing has always been right, and his advice and reasons have always been right. I am currently working to stop my fears from controlling me and causing me to act in ways i shouldn't. I really wish i had his help in all this, but i know thats not possible. Part of the point of all this was for me to figure out things for myself. Its a rough road, and its this way because i missed the exit for the easier one. Perhaps at the next exit i can take a road thats less painful. The only way im going to get there though is to focus on wisdom and success. So anyway its off to another day at the park. Maybe today i will actually be able to talk to someone.