Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

I just really feel like dirt because i hurt the one guy that ever cared for me more than himself because i was too scared to trust him like i knew i could/should. Im tired of being a victim to fear and it has cost me way too much.

I am feeling so sick physically and even losing sleep over all of this. I cant believe how much i have hurt the person i loved more than anything. I wish i could see them again, but im so afraid im just going to end up hurting them again. I never meant to hurt them, and really wished i was stronger than the fears. I would give anything to have them hold me and tell me it will all be ok, that things will work out. That i could move on from the guilt i feel over this. I am so scared at the moment that i have destroyed everything that could have been, and should have been. And all for what? Because i was short sighted afraid and selfish.