Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 17: yesterday i hurt myself to a degree im not sure i will ever recover from. But i also made a discovery. I have been alot like a magnet as of late. Being drawn in one particular direction it seems. I was in a position where that magnet was stronger than i was. The best way i can describe it is like how dogs are drawn to their owners no matter how far you try to send them away. Well yesterday i was demagnetized so to speak. I wish i had known 6 days earlier that that one thing would make such a huge difference. It probably would have saved me a ton of heartache. Maybe it all had to happen the way it did because i was holding on to the point of causing myself pain and inevitably failure had i continued down that path. I now have a gaping hole in my heart, but this time im not worried about me anymore. I have to put my selfishness to the side for the greatest good for everyone. Sometimes when you really love something the greatest way to show it is to let go. I understand that now. Its all becoming clear. They were right all along and i was too blinded to understand. I have let my emotions cloud me for far too long. Today i feel cold emotionally but right now i need to seperate from them so i can ultimately put my daughter ahead of myself. I dont matter anymore, and neither does anyone else. I just wish i hadn't caused so much pain in my process of getting it.