04-24-2014, 12:58 AM
I think I'm somewhere around 10 days in to stage 4.
I've noticed that at work i'm more willing to be seen as what i am. sometimes i don't get the work that we're doing, i take my time to understand and catch up, and i don't fake it - it's a complex area to work in, and i'm surrounded by brainiacs, I'm supposed to be one of them but i've always felt like i'm not and had a lot of complexes about this.
That seems to have started to disappear. people have been saying nice things to me as well. 'you're smart', 'you're like clever so it's ok for you', that sort of thing. I don't buy it really, i don't even really care.
I feel a little like I'm starting to accept how things work. you feel great one day, strong, centred, like nothing can touch you. Just as you get used to it, life says, ok enough time at this level, time to get you to the next stage - then you get another load of crap. You get broken down again, go through pain, the muscles rebuild and you become stronger, and so on and so on - never ending growth. It's just demanded of you.
You have to be prepared for reality to change, for your beliefs to no longer work, prepared to let go of who you were because who you were doesn't function in this environment - kind of like buddhist non-attachment.
I don't think i believe anything all that much anymore.
I've noticed that at work i'm more willing to be seen as what i am. sometimes i don't get the work that we're doing, i take my time to understand and catch up, and i don't fake it - it's a complex area to work in, and i'm surrounded by brainiacs, I'm supposed to be one of them but i've always felt like i'm not and had a lot of complexes about this.
That seems to have started to disappear. people have been saying nice things to me as well. 'you're smart', 'you're like clever so it's ok for you', that sort of thing. I don't buy it really, i don't even really care.
I feel a little like I'm starting to accept how things work. you feel great one day, strong, centred, like nothing can touch you. Just as you get used to it, life says, ok enough time at this level, time to get you to the next stage - then you get another load of crap. You get broken down again, go through pain, the muscles rebuild and you become stronger, and so on and so on - never ending growth. It's just demanded of you.
You have to be prepared for reality to change, for your beliefs to no longer work, prepared to let go of who you were because who you were doesn't function in this environment - kind of like buddhist non-attachment.
I don't think i believe anything all that much anymore.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
