04-07-2014, 03:11 PM
I've been doing self talk for a few days and it's helped me to stabilise a lot. Girls seem to be acting strange around me, like they seem to want to talk to me but then get angry at me, I've even sensed them being repulsed by me.
There's been several occasions recently where I've faced down one of my main difficulties, which is a fear of not being liked and not accepted. This girl at work was talking to me a lot, I didn't really want to respond and to be honest I don't feel with it enough to be cool or charming. I would rate my conversation skills as pretty poor. Anyway our continuous conversations are crap, the other day she took something I said as being really offensive and got angry which was uncomfortable for me since were in a work environment. My normal reaction would be to get worried or scared. I thought about it more than I would have liked to but in the end I accepted it. It was her problem and not mine. The moment I did that she started talking to me again, kind of being goofy even.
Another girl I went to dinner with, a friend totally left our dinner thinking I was a douche, I know she did, I was being overly excitable and talking a lot saying things that sounded approval seeking, and some things which I guess were unintelligent (she's a real snob about people she things aren't too clever). I messaged her after and she didn't respond. It was an easier than expected pill to swallow, I was angry at her more than at myself, that if a friend can judge and walk away from
Me so easily for one evening of essentially just not bring on the same wavelength then what friend is that.
Friends are doing this to me all over the place. Kind of just dissing me, and I'm letting go as they do so. I haven't done anything wrong, I don't think, and I don't know if it's the subs, or what. I don't give a shit though, I've got a tiny amount of time on this planet in the gran scheme of things. The sense of this makes me not want to waste my time with such bullshit.
I also recently am starting to feel a sense of what I want to do with this life I have. In order to do it I'm going to have to start to strip out the non essentials though a lot has to go.
Ah and one thing happened today which was interesting, a woman at my local coffee place have me a coffee on the house! It's never happened to me before!
There's been several occasions recently where I've faced down one of my main difficulties, which is a fear of not being liked and not accepted. This girl at work was talking to me a lot, I didn't really want to respond and to be honest I don't feel with it enough to be cool or charming. I would rate my conversation skills as pretty poor. Anyway our continuous conversations are crap, the other day she took something I said as being really offensive and got angry which was uncomfortable for me since were in a work environment. My normal reaction would be to get worried or scared. I thought about it more than I would have liked to but in the end I accepted it. It was her problem and not mine. The moment I did that she started talking to me again, kind of being goofy even.
Another girl I went to dinner with, a friend totally left our dinner thinking I was a douche, I know she did, I was being overly excitable and talking a lot saying things that sounded approval seeking, and some things which I guess were unintelligent (she's a real snob about people she things aren't too clever). I messaged her after and she didn't respond. It was an easier than expected pill to swallow, I was angry at her more than at myself, that if a friend can judge and walk away from
Me so easily for one evening of essentially just not bring on the same wavelength then what friend is that.
Friends are doing this to me all over the place. Kind of just dissing me, and I'm letting go as they do so. I haven't done anything wrong, I don't think, and I don't know if it's the subs, or what. I don't give a shit though, I've got a tiny amount of time on this planet in the gran scheme of things. The sense of this makes me not want to waste my time with such bullshit.
I also recently am starting to feel a sense of what I want to do with this life I have. In order to do it I'm going to have to start to strip out the non essentials though a lot has to go.
Ah and one thing happened today which was interesting, a woman at my local coffee place have me a coffee on the house! It's never happened to me before!
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
