04-07-2014, 11:15 AM
Days 84 - 85
I'm back to getting angry to some people when they annoy me. But because those people are my parents for the moment, I try to contain myself. It works.
I also feel like I am able to have a better sense of the logic of a given situation. For example, I was eating with my parents and my mother is anxious about a meeting. I told her that she just had to stay calm during the whole meeting, even if the others were getting angry. And as every time I tell her an advice, she finds a way to get angry on me. (Don't know why but she does and I really dislike it. I've tried to talk to her about it but she gets angry one more time everytime I try.) Then I try to keep her "down", I just tell her it's ok, that she is right and that we should just stop talking about that. And my father steps in and says "stop bothering mother!". I tell him that I'm not trying to bother her, I'm trying to bring the conversation to an end! He does not "believe" me and says that I should stop trying to manipulate everybody. I tell him "okay, just leave it there" and went away.
The fact is that I'm not trying to manipulate anyone! My mother is getting angry at me because I give her advices and when I try to stop the conversation, my father says I'm trying to manipulate everybody. They are not logical at all! For them of course, what happened is highly logical from their point of view. But I just have tried to advise my mother and then because it did not work, I tried to end the conversation. That's it. But they got angry. I think they are running those old patterns again and again. I feel like to them I am the bad one, the one trying to fight. I'm not, but in their reality that's what I am. So be it, I'll have to live with it.
Since years my parents are getting angry at me (sometimes for good reasons I should say), I never had such an introspective view into what happens. I now pick up the pattern and can break free of it.
I've had a dream today in which every guys (there were only guys around me) was trying to help me move through something like a storm by giving me their T-Shirts (which magically made me move forward. weird.) So they all had their torso naked. After the storm, I was in a place (a sort of party in a magical forest) where there was an acquaintance of mine (who is a quasi-alpha guy, he still has to demonstrate that his parents got money) and he told me "hey, I know a gay guy, would you like to meet him?". I said "sure" and he led me through the forest to a place where is friend was. His friend was in fact a guy who used to look at me all the time in my old school. Very attractive and muscular guy.
And then I woke up, too bad
Have a nice, week
-Adri
I'm back to getting angry to some people when they annoy me. But because those people are my parents for the moment, I try to contain myself. It works.
I also feel like I am able to have a better sense of the logic of a given situation. For example, I was eating with my parents and my mother is anxious about a meeting. I told her that she just had to stay calm during the whole meeting, even if the others were getting angry. And as every time I tell her an advice, she finds a way to get angry on me. (Don't know why but she does and I really dislike it. I've tried to talk to her about it but she gets angry one more time everytime I try.) Then I try to keep her "down", I just tell her it's ok, that she is right and that we should just stop talking about that. And my father steps in and says "stop bothering mother!". I tell him that I'm not trying to bother her, I'm trying to bring the conversation to an end! He does not "believe" me and says that I should stop trying to manipulate everybody. I tell him "okay, just leave it there" and went away.
The fact is that I'm not trying to manipulate anyone! My mother is getting angry at me because I give her advices and when I try to stop the conversation, my father says I'm trying to manipulate everybody. They are not logical at all! For them of course, what happened is highly logical from their point of view. But I just have tried to advise my mother and then because it did not work, I tried to end the conversation. That's it. But they got angry. I think they are running those old patterns again and again. I feel like to them I am the bad one, the one trying to fight. I'm not, but in their reality that's what I am. So be it, I'll have to live with it.
Since years my parents are getting angry at me (sometimes for good reasons I should say), I never had such an introspective view into what happens. I now pick up the pattern and can break free of it.
I've had a dream today in which every guys (there were only guys around me) was trying to help me move through something like a storm by giving me their T-Shirts (which magically made me move forward. weird.) So they all had their torso naked. After the storm, I was in a place (a sort of party in a magical forest) where there was an acquaintance of mine (who is a quasi-alpha guy, he still has to demonstrate that his parents got money) and he told me "hey, I know a gay guy, would you like to meet him?". I said "sure" and he led me through the forest to a place where is friend was. His friend was in fact a guy who used to look at me all the time in my old school. Very attractive and muscular guy.
And then I woke up, too bad
Have a nice, week
-Adri
