02-15-2014, 07:10 PM
Day 16 stage 2
Thanks Ben!
What's happening to me now I do t know. Part of me is worried am6 is having the opposite effect on me and making me more feminine!!
I'm feeling really in touch with my emotions. The other day I felt a happy bliss which was like unconditional love for everyone and myself, it was intense and rich - I was walking through a cold rainy night after commuting on the train home yet everything seemed bright and fresh.
It was followed after by a loneliness and sadness - but it seemed more like a comedown rather than being related to any particular thought. I look at women with huge amounts of respect, I love their femininity and being around them somehow makes me feel healed, it's not sexual at all! It's like I feel what they feel.
I wonder if this is the result of me having locked away my emotions so long and having numbed myself and now it's all just coming up.
I'm noticing people aren't so interested In talking to me, I'm boring to them. Personally I don't care. I'm in my own quiet contented world whenever I want to be so I don't need anyone. That's not to say there isn't dissatisfaction - I feel that in spades, mainly because I'm not following the values I hold dearest and not meeting my potential - which is a good thing.
For one think, I'm sick of being unhealthy and over weight, I need to get myself an exercise regimen and stick to it. One that's suited to guys like me who don't work out too often but are committed to change.
I'm also sick of being broke and irresponsible. I have zero savings a job suited for people 6-7 years younger to me, and no prospects to
Speak of, I don't see myself being worthy of promotion anytime soon that's for sure.
Thanks Ben!
What's happening to me now I do t know. Part of me is worried am6 is having the opposite effect on me and making me more feminine!!
I'm feeling really in touch with my emotions. The other day I felt a happy bliss which was like unconditional love for everyone and myself, it was intense and rich - I was walking through a cold rainy night after commuting on the train home yet everything seemed bright and fresh.
It was followed after by a loneliness and sadness - but it seemed more like a comedown rather than being related to any particular thought. I look at women with huge amounts of respect, I love their femininity and being around them somehow makes me feel healed, it's not sexual at all! It's like I feel what they feel.
I wonder if this is the result of me having locked away my emotions so long and having numbed myself and now it's all just coming up.
I'm noticing people aren't so interested In talking to me, I'm boring to them. Personally I don't care. I'm in my own quiet contented world whenever I want to be so I don't need anyone. That's not to say there isn't dissatisfaction - I feel that in spades, mainly because I'm not following the values I hold dearest and not meeting my potential - which is a good thing.
For one think, I'm sick of being unhealthy and over weight, I need to get myself an exercise regimen and stick to it. One that's suited to guys like me who don't work out too often but are committed to change.
I'm also sick of being broke and irresponsible. I have zero savings a job suited for people 6-7 years younger to me, and no prospects to
Speak of, I don't see myself being worthy of promotion anytime soon that's for sure.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
